Because Costas annoyed me with the Olympics this year...
Top nine Olympic comments made by NBC sports commentators:
1. Weight-lifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'
(and my two additions)
A. Bob: "And here comes the Central African Republic. Now the C.A.R. is a Republic....in Central Africa."
B. Bob: "And here's Benin! This country probably won't win ANY medals, but, at least they won something. They were the first country to move into the Olympic village and raise their flag. Congrats, Benin."
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Feel-Good Post
(From Wed, Aug 27, 2008)
Penpals wed at ages 85, 96: Couple fell in love through lettersWINDSOR, Conn. -- An elderly couple joined together in holy matrimony on Tuesday at a nursing home in front of family and friends.
Thelma Symonds, a native of Australia, was married for 60 years before moving to Kimberley Hall in Windsor after her first husband past away.
Today, the 85-year-old became Thelma Christofferson. Her new husband, Chauncey Christofferson, is a 96-year-old minister.
The two met after Thelma wrote an article to a military magazine about her late husband.
Chauncey responded, and the two said they fell in love through letters.
“We actually fell in love the old-fashioned way,” Chauncey said. “(We wrote) for seven months until I finally came to meet her. I knew who to look for, her room number. I walked right into her room, unannounced.”
Last year, they decided to get married.
“I don't feel nervous at all,” Thelma said. “I just feel plain excited. We've talked about it a lot, but never quite got around to doing it.”
Not until now, anyway.
Penpals wed at ages 85, 96: Couple fell in love through lettersWINDSOR, Conn. -- An elderly couple joined together in holy matrimony on Tuesday at a nursing home in front of family and friends.
Thelma Symonds, a native of Australia, was married for 60 years before moving to Kimberley Hall in Windsor after her first husband past away.
Today, the 85-year-old became Thelma Christofferson. Her new husband, Chauncey Christofferson, is a 96-year-old minister.
The two met after Thelma wrote an article to a military magazine about her late husband.
Chauncey responded, and the two said they fell in love through letters.
“We actually fell in love the old-fashioned way,” Chauncey said. “(We wrote) for seven months until I finally came to meet her. I knew who to look for, her room number. I walked right into her room, unannounced.”
Last year, they decided to get married.
“I don't feel nervous at all,” Thelma said. “I just feel plain excited. We've talked about it a lot, but never quite got around to doing it.”
Not until now, anyway.
True Toxic Relationships: "Of Human Bondage"
Almost anyone that knows me (in "real" life) knows that I love old movies. I have a painting of Audrey Hepburn in my bedroom. I own Philadelphia Story, Maltese Falcon, and various other older movies.
One of my favorite movies is from 1934 and is called "Of Human Bondage" starring Leslie Howard and Bette Davis. It is wonderful. People think that "toxic relationships" is a new-age thing, but it's not. The movie is about mild-mannered Philip Carey (Howard) who tries his hand at painting and discovers, well...he sucks. He is told to "place his name elsewhere" where club-footed Carey goes to medical school. Along his way, he meets a waitress named Mildred Rogers (Davis) who latches onto him because she knows she can use him.
Because Carey has a club foot, he has a rather low self-esteem, and she knows she can manipulate him and walk all over him to get what she wants. Carey moves on from her and becomes a success at being a doctor. She, on the other hand, doesn't have such a good future.
The movie progresses, and Rogers is still latched onto Carey until the very end trying to get what she wants, using her charms, and manipulating him.
The classic case of a "toxic relationship," and here it is...literally...in black and white.
One of my favorite movies is from 1934 and is called "Of Human Bondage" starring Leslie Howard and Bette Davis. It is wonderful. People think that "toxic relationships" is a new-age thing, but it's not. The movie is about mild-mannered Philip Carey (Howard) who tries his hand at painting and discovers, well...he sucks. He is told to "place his name elsewhere" where club-footed Carey goes to medical school. Along his way, he meets a waitress named Mildred Rogers (Davis) who latches onto him because she knows she can use him.
Because Carey has a club foot, he has a rather low self-esteem, and she knows she can manipulate him and walk all over him to get what she wants. Carey moves on from her and becomes a success at being a doctor. She, on the other hand, doesn't have such a good future.
The movie progresses, and Rogers is still latched onto Carey until the very end trying to get what she wants, using her charms, and manipulating him.
The classic case of a "toxic relationship," and here it is...literally...in black and white.
Letting Go.
I've talked about "letting go" before; however, it has a whole new meaning now. I thought I would expand. I doubt myself that I could possibly give relationship advice. I'm not giving relationship advice, I'm pointing out the obvious in hopes of helping others.
You go to sleep, you lie in bed, you hear their voice, and in your thoughts, you remember things like the way they laughed, the way they had to have some body part touching yours just to know you are there with them. But when you wake up, they're not there. The pain is there, and it runs so deep, you wonder if you will ever be able to move on. Losing someone you care for, no matter what the circumstances, doesn't get any easier as you get older. You feel as though no one could ever take their place, and for awhile, you don't see anyone as themselves, you only see them as "not" that person you lost in your life. Don't feel like a failure because it's taking awhile to get over that person, but it's healthy to realize and necessary to accept that the relationship is over. You need to take steps to heal yourself and your heart. "Moving on" and "letting go" is not easy when you've invested so much.
1. Acknowledge your feelings. Allow yourself time to cry, grieve, but don't get so wrapped up in crying and grieving and overthinking things that you fall into a black hole of despair. Everyone falls into that black hole, but only you, not someone else can pull you back out. When you find yourself crying and upset for a long period of time, STOP. Redirect to a more positive venture. No, it's not easy, but it's worth it. Call a friend, read a book, go for a walk.
2. Release. Talk to a trusted friend. Don't keep things bottled up no matter how much you think it will hurt to let it all go. The more you keep bottled up, the more toxic it becomes. The more your brain starts overthinking things, and the closer you'll get to never getting out of the black hole.
3. Don't Remove yourself from friends. Keep in contact with friends. Don't immerse yourself in work or something of the sort. You can't effectively work with stress and pain weighing so heavily in your life. Let your friends be your support system. Nothing will get accomplished if you remove yourself from living and, instead, fool yourself with forcing yourself to forget.
4. Who are You? This is the time to embrace your good qualities. Think about the things you love: sports, hobbies, the people who love you, your friends, your family. Things that make you smile though not necessarily things that will always remind you of the person you lost. Don't allow this loss to steal YOU. Give yourself some me time. By me time I mean time alone. Time to do things for YOU.
5. Take care of yourself. If you're overly upset, chances are eating and sleeping are not only NOT priorities but are, more or less, non existent. Not eating and/or not sleeping can lead to more problems. It will only wear you down. Combine that with stress, and you won't be able to tackle what you need to. Talk to someone for guidance or to vent: friend, family, pastor, even an anonymous crisis center.
6. DO NOT. Do not get involved in a new relationship until you have healed completely. Do not think you are healed completely and then jump into a relationship. It isn't a quick fix, and it leads to heartache. Until you can think about the person you lost and say, "No" to that person or thoughts about that person, you're not healed. If you find yourself even remotely thinking about that person and "what ifs" or getting upset about "memories" that have resurfaced, you are NOT healed. You are only completely healed when someone mentions their name, or you think of something, and don't feel a pull in your heart. If that person should contact you and says things you always wanted to hear, and you feel no pain in your heart, and you aren't thinking of them and can say, "You know what? please stop" you're healed. Only when you heal yourself can you love someone else.
You go to sleep, you lie in bed, you hear their voice, and in your thoughts, you remember things like the way they laughed, the way they had to have some body part touching yours just to know you are there with them. But when you wake up, they're not there. The pain is there, and it runs so deep, you wonder if you will ever be able to move on. Losing someone you care for, no matter what the circumstances, doesn't get any easier as you get older. You feel as though no one could ever take their place, and for awhile, you don't see anyone as themselves, you only see them as "not" that person you lost in your life. Don't feel like a failure because it's taking awhile to get over that person, but it's healthy to realize and necessary to accept that the relationship is over. You need to take steps to heal yourself and your heart. "Moving on" and "letting go" is not easy when you've invested so much.
1. Acknowledge your feelings. Allow yourself time to cry, grieve, but don't get so wrapped up in crying and grieving and overthinking things that you fall into a black hole of despair. Everyone falls into that black hole, but only you, not someone else can pull you back out. When you find yourself crying and upset for a long period of time, STOP. Redirect to a more positive venture. No, it's not easy, but it's worth it. Call a friend, read a book, go for a walk.
2. Release. Talk to a trusted friend. Don't keep things bottled up no matter how much you think it will hurt to let it all go. The more you keep bottled up, the more toxic it becomes. The more your brain starts overthinking things, and the closer you'll get to never getting out of the black hole.
3. Don't Remove yourself from friends. Keep in contact with friends. Don't immerse yourself in work or something of the sort. You can't effectively work with stress and pain weighing so heavily in your life. Let your friends be your support system. Nothing will get accomplished if you remove yourself from living and, instead, fool yourself with forcing yourself to forget.
4. Who are You? This is the time to embrace your good qualities. Think about the things you love: sports, hobbies, the people who love you, your friends, your family. Things that make you smile though not necessarily things that will always remind you of the person you lost. Don't allow this loss to steal YOU. Give yourself some me time. By me time I mean time alone. Time to do things for YOU.
5. Take care of yourself. If you're overly upset, chances are eating and sleeping are not only NOT priorities but are, more or less, non existent. Not eating and/or not sleeping can lead to more problems. It will only wear you down. Combine that with stress, and you won't be able to tackle what you need to. Talk to someone for guidance or to vent: friend, family, pastor, even an anonymous crisis center.
6. DO NOT. Do not get involved in a new relationship until you have healed completely. Do not think you are healed completely and then jump into a relationship. It isn't a quick fix, and it leads to heartache. Until you can think about the person you lost and say, "No" to that person or thoughts about that person, you're not healed. If you find yourself even remotely thinking about that person and "what ifs" or getting upset about "memories" that have resurfaced, you are NOT healed. You are only completely healed when someone mentions their name, or you think of something, and don't feel a pull in your heart. If that person should contact you and says things you always wanted to hear, and you feel no pain in your heart, and you aren't thinking of them and can say, "You know what? please stop" you're healed. Only when you heal yourself can you love someone else.
Sales and Relationships
Funny that I looked at my library in my office at work and found a sales book. The funny part is how it can apply to life or coping or whatever you want to call a "funk." The following items are pulled straight from Jeffrey Gittomer's Little Red Book of Sales Answers with no alterations whatsoever:
1. Personal Improvement That Leads to Personal Growth
2. Prospecting for Golden Leads
3. How to Win the Battle and the War
4. One Brick at a Time
5. Building the Friendship. Building the Relationship.
6. The Final AHA!
"I wish I would have said..."
Ever said that? Sure you have. Everybody has. Now it's game time. "I wish I would have said..." has no place in the world of sales, other than in the mouths of sales losers.
Next chapters:
"How do I become the successful person I dream about, and deserve to be?"
"Scream then - I DID IT!"
"How do I do my best every day?"
"You have a choice!"
1. Personal Improvement That Leads to Personal Growth
2. Prospecting for Golden Leads
3. How to Win the Battle and the War
4. One Brick at a Time
5. Building the Friendship. Building the Relationship.
6. The Final AHA!
"I wish I would have said..."
Ever said that? Sure you have. Everybody has. Now it's game time. "I wish I would have said..." has no place in the world of sales, other than in the mouths of sales losers.
Next chapters:
"How do I become the successful person I dream about, and deserve to be?"
"Scream then - I DID IT!"
"How do I do my best every day?"
"You have a choice!"
Toxic (and I don't mean Avenger.)
Irony is the fact that this is the fourth time I have heard the mention of "toxic." This past weekend, I received a phone call from an ex. Let me rephrase that, after he called 8 times in a row, and I didn't answer, I thought he might seriously be in trouble (car accident, etc.). Alas, that was not the case, and I told him he was toxic. This is in no relation to Britney Spears' song, "Toxic."
I think we can all benefit from this no matter what relationships: teachers, students, coworkers, friends, significant others. Considering this was written by a psychiatrist with a PhD, it's valid:
Toxic: Bad Relationships, What to Do About Them
By: Pamela Brewer, PhD
Most of us can come up with a mile-long list of people who've made us miserable, some time or the other - teachers, classmates, brothers, sisters, parents, friends, colleagues... while you were allowing them to make you feel angry, confused and irritated, unknown to you, they were seriously damaging your health. In other words, they were toxic.
(My $0.02 (herein referred to as "02" if used again) - we never see an interpersonal relationship AS being toxic until it's too late, or until we release ourselves from the toxic relationship, have time to recover and reflect)
Here we go again. Another 2 a.m. phone call, with my best friend pouring her heart out about the latest disaster in her life. Love her as I do, 2 a.m. isn't my best time - especially when I've got an early start and a skin that needs at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
(02: I don't mind when my friends call me in the middle of the night with such phone calls. Once it becomes habitual, then there is another issue going other than just another break up that should be addressed)
Still, have you ever tried saying no to a friend in need? Exactly. So you end up spending an hour saying yes and no in all the right places, then get a headache and take refuge in a peanut butter sandwich. According to psychologist, Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People the headaches/peanut butter sandwiches are proof that we're under fire from a toxic person - in other words, "anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused."
(02: People often say "he/she has so much drama" as a word to replace a person who is toxic.)
But what makes a toxic person tick? "They're people whose feelings of insecurity and inadequacy make them jealous, envious and/or uncaring, so they end up sabotaging your projects, your relationships, your happiness-even your car journey!" explains Dr Glass.
It could be the temperamental boss who's never satisfied, the friend who knows where you're going wrong (and revels in telling you), or the critical parent who can't stop treating you like a naughty ten-year-old.
But whatever your own personal definition of a toxic person, one thing is certain - putting up with a toxic relationship can seriously damage your health. "Migraines, eye-twitches, skin rashes and eating disorders often have their roots in toxic relationship that have gone on for too long," explains Dr. Glass.
Listing the people and types of behavior that get to you is Dr. Glass's first step to detoxing your relationships - and your life. (And, believe it or not, that's the easy bit!) But the good news is there are ways of responding that can stop you being the victim of toxic behavior.
Just deciding to do something about the toxic people in your life is a big step in itself. You might know you should detox from your friend/partner/boss, but it's not always that easy to do it. Okay you can find other friends, partners and jobs, but you can't, for instance, go out and choose a new mother.
"You have to weigh up the toxic person's behavior, your reaction to it and what's stake," says Clare Hershman, a counsellor who specialises in addictions. "If they're paying you Pound 20,000 a year, you may decide, 'Okay, I'll take the money and stand on my head if they want me to, but I'm not going to let my emotions into this drama.'" And there's the crunch. While toxic people can make our lives unbearable, we're the only ones who can do something about it.
TOXIC FRIENDS
You think they care for you, but their behavior says otherwise.
You share so much with a "mate" that it's sometimes hard to see that they're actually doing you harm. Over the years I've gradually realised I can't solve my friends' problems, until they want to - and, believe me, some of them don't want to - nor do they want to hear about mine.
Deena, 28, and Kate, 28, have been friends for 15 years, but Deena feels she's always given more time to Kate than vice versa, "Kate always finds a story to top mine and switches the conversation back to herself," she complains. "I end up feeling sidelined."
According to Dr. Glass, "Kate's a perfect example of the very self-absorbed person with a fragile ego. She's insecure and needs lots of reassurance and soothing words to build up her self-esteem." But she clearly isn't quite so sensitive when it comes to everyone else's feeling. Recognise the type?
Her selfishness probably isn't intentional, but you still need to confront her. Say something like, "I sometimes get the feeling you're not really listening to me - and it's upsetting." Be direct and honest, without tears or tantrums.
In fact, friendships are a good training ground for sorting out toxic people, because if they're any kind of friend, they really do want what's best for you. Then again, if you've weighed up the pros and cons and think, "Well, she can be a prime woman, but she does know how to get into the best clubs," rely on her for that, but nothing more. And if you really can't stand any more 2 am calls, buy some ear plugs and let your answering machine do more night shifts. This same process can be applied to persons in your past: past relationships, past friends, etc.
TOXIC EX PARTNERS
The most stressful baggage in your life.
No one needs telling that along with all the love, fun and exploration in a relationship, a whole load of other (less pleasant) issues are usually waiting in the wings. As most of us have discovered, at some point or another, even the most wonderful partner can have a toxic side that often goes unnoticed on our parts.
Most of us have encountered uncommunicative partners who keep their feelings under lock and key, and keep you utterly confused. No one's saying you have to keep on bashing your head against a brick wall, but sometimes explosive showdowns are just the bombshell this kind of person needs.
"Ultimately, you can only change yourself, not someone else," confirms counselor, Mary Godden. It's up to you to decide how much of pushing around you will or will not take.
-------------------
Dr. Brewer's 02:
Dr. Brewer: There are many reasons why we choose toxic relationships. We may have grown up in a toxic household, we may have been taught that we are not deserving of happiness, or we may have learned to take responsibility for others. One of the most important things to remember about being in a toxic relationship, is that you do have choices and you can get out!
A toxic relationship is one in which you are chronically tired, upset, angry, confused, or frightened. A relationship in which you do not have the "right" to express yourself. In short, a relationship that is abusive in any way, may be a toxic relationship.
We stay in relationships because we do not understand that we have rights and options or that it feels "comfortable" to us. Low self-esteem can be a factor in remaining, as well as depression, fear of being alone, or that you believe the person genuinely cares and can change at some point. Sometimes, people stay because the toxic relationship so much mirrors their lives as children, that they truly may not have a sense that it is a toxic relationship and that life can be better.
Q&A session:
Question: We have separated several times. We then come back saying things will change, and things don't.
Dr. Brewer: Don't kid yourself, you describe the typical cycle of a toxic relationship:
* a blow up
* then the honeymoon period in which things are agreed upon to change
* and then it doesn't change and things begin to escalate
* and then the explosion again
* and then the honeymoon period
Question: How are depression and self-esteem factors in toxic relationships? Does that mean that the person does not have a clear sense of their own boundaries and a fear of being out of control of their lives, or out of control of other people?
Dr. Brewer: When you are feeling depressed or stressed, it is hard to have clarity about your life and what is reasonable, appropriate, or respectful. Depression and stress sap emotional and physical strength, both of which are critical in relationships. Low self-esteem tells one that they do not have rights or options, which is again, an energy drainer. And yes, depression and stress can inhibit your sense of your own boundaries and your need and right to set boundaries with others.
I think we can all benefit from this no matter what relationships: teachers, students, coworkers, friends, significant others. Considering this was written by a psychiatrist with a PhD, it's valid:
Toxic: Bad Relationships, What to Do About Them
By: Pamela Brewer, PhD
Most of us can come up with a mile-long list of people who've made us miserable, some time or the other - teachers, classmates, brothers, sisters, parents, friends, colleagues... while you were allowing them to make you feel angry, confused and irritated, unknown to you, they were seriously damaging your health. In other words, they were toxic.
(My $0.02 (herein referred to as "02" if used again) - we never see an interpersonal relationship AS being toxic until it's too late, or until we release ourselves from the toxic relationship, have time to recover and reflect)
Here we go again. Another 2 a.m. phone call, with my best friend pouring her heart out about the latest disaster in her life. Love her as I do, 2 a.m. isn't my best time - especially when I've got an early start and a skin that needs at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
(02: I don't mind when my friends call me in the middle of the night with such phone calls. Once it becomes habitual, then there is another issue going other than just another break up that should be addressed)
Still, have you ever tried saying no to a friend in need? Exactly. So you end up spending an hour saying yes and no in all the right places, then get a headache and take refuge in a peanut butter sandwich. According to psychologist, Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People the headaches/peanut butter sandwiches are proof that we're under fire from a toxic person - in other words, "anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused."
(02: People often say "he/she has so much drama" as a word to replace a person who is toxic.)
But what makes a toxic person tick? "They're people whose feelings of insecurity and inadequacy make them jealous, envious and/or uncaring, so they end up sabotaging your projects, your relationships, your happiness-even your car journey!" explains Dr Glass.
It could be the temperamental boss who's never satisfied, the friend who knows where you're going wrong (and revels in telling you), or the critical parent who can't stop treating you like a naughty ten-year-old.
But whatever your own personal definition of a toxic person, one thing is certain - putting up with a toxic relationship can seriously damage your health. "Migraines, eye-twitches, skin rashes and eating disorders often have their roots in toxic relationship that have gone on for too long," explains Dr. Glass.
Listing the people and types of behavior that get to you is Dr. Glass's first step to detoxing your relationships - and your life. (And, believe it or not, that's the easy bit!) But the good news is there are ways of responding that can stop you being the victim of toxic behavior.
Just deciding to do something about the toxic people in your life is a big step in itself. You might know you should detox from your friend/partner/boss, but it's not always that easy to do it. Okay you can find other friends, partners and jobs, but you can't, for instance, go out and choose a new mother.
"You have to weigh up the toxic person's behavior, your reaction to it and what's stake," says Clare Hershman, a counsellor who specialises in addictions. "If they're paying you Pound 20,000 a year, you may decide, 'Okay, I'll take the money and stand on my head if they want me to, but I'm not going to let my emotions into this drama.'" And there's the crunch. While toxic people can make our lives unbearable, we're the only ones who can do something about it.
TOXIC FRIENDS
You think they care for you, but their behavior says otherwise.
You share so much with a "mate" that it's sometimes hard to see that they're actually doing you harm. Over the years I've gradually realised I can't solve my friends' problems, until they want to - and, believe me, some of them don't want to - nor do they want to hear about mine.
Deena, 28, and Kate, 28, have been friends for 15 years, but Deena feels she's always given more time to Kate than vice versa, "Kate always finds a story to top mine and switches the conversation back to herself," she complains. "I end up feeling sidelined."
According to Dr. Glass, "Kate's a perfect example of the very self-absorbed person with a fragile ego. She's insecure and needs lots of reassurance and soothing words to build up her self-esteem." But she clearly isn't quite so sensitive when it comes to everyone else's feeling. Recognise the type?
Her selfishness probably isn't intentional, but you still need to confront her. Say something like, "I sometimes get the feeling you're not really listening to me - and it's upsetting." Be direct and honest, without tears or tantrums.
In fact, friendships are a good training ground for sorting out toxic people, because if they're any kind of friend, they really do want what's best for you. Then again, if you've weighed up the pros and cons and think, "Well, she can be a prime woman, but she does know how to get into the best clubs," rely on her for that, but nothing more. And if you really can't stand any more 2 am calls, buy some ear plugs and let your answering machine do more night shifts. This same process can be applied to persons in your past: past relationships, past friends, etc.
TOXIC EX PARTNERS
The most stressful baggage in your life.
No one needs telling that along with all the love, fun and exploration in a relationship, a whole load of other (less pleasant) issues are usually waiting in the wings. As most of us have discovered, at some point or another, even the most wonderful partner can have a toxic side that often goes unnoticed on our parts.
Most of us have encountered uncommunicative partners who keep their feelings under lock and key, and keep you utterly confused. No one's saying you have to keep on bashing your head against a brick wall, but sometimes explosive showdowns are just the bombshell this kind of person needs.
"Ultimately, you can only change yourself, not someone else," confirms counselor, Mary Godden. It's up to you to decide how much of pushing around you will or will not take.
-------------------
Dr. Brewer's 02:
Dr. Brewer: There are many reasons why we choose toxic relationships. We may have grown up in a toxic household, we may have been taught that we are not deserving of happiness, or we may have learned to take responsibility for others. One of the most important things to remember about being in a toxic relationship, is that you do have choices and you can get out!
A toxic relationship is one in which you are chronically tired, upset, angry, confused, or frightened. A relationship in which you do not have the "right" to express yourself. In short, a relationship that is abusive in any way, may be a toxic relationship.
We stay in relationships because we do not understand that we have rights and options or that it feels "comfortable" to us. Low self-esteem can be a factor in remaining, as well as depression, fear of being alone, or that you believe the person genuinely cares and can change at some point. Sometimes, people stay because the toxic relationship so much mirrors their lives as children, that they truly may not have a sense that it is a toxic relationship and that life can be better.
Q&A session:
Question: We have separated several times. We then come back saying things will change, and things don't.
Dr. Brewer: Don't kid yourself, you describe the typical cycle of a toxic relationship:
* a blow up
* then the honeymoon period in which things are agreed upon to change
* and then it doesn't change and things begin to escalate
* and then the explosion again
* and then the honeymoon period
Question: How are depression and self-esteem factors in toxic relationships? Does that mean that the person does not have a clear sense of their own boundaries and a fear of being out of control of their lives, or out of control of other people?
Dr. Brewer: When you are feeling depressed or stressed, it is hard to have clarity about your life and what is reasonable, appropriate, or respectful. Depression and stress sap emotional and physical strength, both of which are critical in relationships. Low self-esteem tells one that they do not have rights or options, which is again, an energy drainer. And yes, depression and stress can inhibit your sense of your own boundaries and your need and right to set boundaries with others.
ASL?
Anyone who reads this blog or knows me in person knows the level of intellect around which I tend to surround myself (I mean, geez.....look at that last sentence...it wasn't avoided in a preposition). While that may sound pompous and arrogant, I'm merely attempting to prove a point as a segway into this IM:
meandmydobie: hi
Me: hi
meandmydobie: A/S/L?
Me: All pertinent information is found on my Profile. Do I know you?
meandmydobie: No but I want to know you! ur hot!
*** Red flag # 1...."ur." ***
Me: Thanks.
meandmydobie: What city u in?
Me: Again, all pertinent information is found on my profile.
meandmydobie: I can't access your profile.
Me: Why?
meandmydobie: don't know
Me: Well if you can't access my profile, how did you find my screenname to message me?
meandmydobie: ur on my buddy list
Me: I highly doubt that. I've never spoken to you before.
Basic rundown: location - Atlanta, age - 26, marital status - long term relationship.
meandmydobie: u wanna sugardaddy?
Is this person serious? The next message stated that based on that question I know for sure I have never spoken to that person and to refrain from every contacting me in the future, remove my name from his buddy list, and I would now be blocking him.
Seriously? A sugar daddy? Anyone that knows me knows those are my two pet peeves: sugar daddies and sugar mommas. Ugh. Grow up. Get your own job.
meandmydobie: hi
Me: hi
meandmydobie: A/S/L?
Me: All pertinent information is found on my Profile. Do I know you?
meandmydobie: No but I want to know you! ur hot!
*** Red flag # 1...."ur." ***
Me: Thanks.
meandmydobie: What city u in?
Me: Again, all pertinent information is found on my profile.
meandmydobie: I can't access your profile.
Me: Why?
meandmydobie: don't know
Me: Well if you can't access my profile, how did you find my screenname to message me?
meandmydobie: ur on my buddy list
Me: I highly doubt that. I've never spoken to you before.
Basic rundown: location - Atlanta, age - 26, marital status - long term relationship.
meandmydobie: u wanna sugardaddy?
Is this person serious? The next message stated that based on that question I know for sure I have never spoken to that person and to refrain from every contacting me in the future, remove my name from his buddy list, and I would now be blocking him.
Seriously? A sugar daddy? Anyone that knows me knows those are my two pet peeves: sugar daddies and sugar mommas. Ugh. Grow up. Get your own job.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)