Because Costas annoyed me with the Olympics this year...
Top nine Olympic comments made by NBC sports commentators:
1. Weight-lifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'
(and my two additions)
A. Bob: "And here comes the Central African Republic. Now the C.A.R. is a Republic....in Central Africa."
B. Bob: "And here's Benin! This country probably won't win ANY medals, but, at least they won something. They were the first country to move into the Olympic village and raise their flag. Congrats, Benin."
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Feel-Good Post
(From Wed, Aug 27, 2008)
Penpals wed at ages 85, 96: Couple fell in love through lettersWINDSOR, Conn. -- An elderly couple joined together in holy matrimony on Tuesday at a nursing home in front of family and friends.
Thelma Symonds, a native of Australia, was married for 60 years before moving to Kimberley Hall in Windsor after her first husband past away.
Today, the 85-year-old became Thelma Christofferson. Her new husband, Chauncey Christofferson, is a 96-year-old minister.
The two met after Thelma wrote an article to a military magazine about her late husband.
Chauncey responded, and the two said they fell in love through letters.
“We actually fell in love the old-fashioned way,” Chauncey said. “(We wrote) for seven months until I finally came to meet her. I knew who to look for, her room number. I walked right into her room, unannounced.”
Last year, they decided to get married.
“I don't feel nervous at all,” Thelma said. “I just feel plain excited. We've talked about it a lot, but never quite got around to doing it.”
Not until now, anyway.
Penpals wed at ages 85, 96: Couple fell in love through lettersWINDSOR, Conn. -- An elderly couple joined together in holy matrimony on Tuesday at a nursing home in front of family and friends.
Thelma Symonds, a native of Australia, was married for 60 years before moving to Kimberley Hall in Windsor after her first husband past away.
Today, the 85-year-old became Thelma Christofferson. Her new husband, Chauncey Christofferson, is a 96-year-old minister.
The two met after Thelma wrote an article to a military magazine about her late husband.
Chauncey responded, and the two said they fell in love through letters.
“We actually fell in love the old-fashioned way,” Chauncey said. “(We wrote) for seven months until I finally came to meet her. I knew who to look for, her room number. I walked right into her room, unannounced.”
Last year, they decided to get married.
“I don't feel nervous at all,” Thelma said. “I just feel plain excited. We've talked about it a lot, but never quite got around to doing it.”
Not until now, anyway.
True Toxic Relationships: "Of Human Bondage"
Almost anyone that knows me (in "real" life) knows that I love old movies. I have a painting of Audrey Hepburn in my bedroom. I own Philadelphia Story, Maltese Falcon, and various other older movies.
One of my favorite movies is from 1934 and is called "Of Human Bondage" starring Leslie Howard and Bette Davis. It is wonderful. People think that "toxic relationships" is a new-age thing, but it's not. The movie is about mild-mannered Philip Carey (Howard) who tries his hand at painting and discovers, well...he sucks. He is told to "place his name elsewhere" where club-footed Carey goes to medical school. Along his way, he meets a waitress named Mildred Rogers (Davis) who latches onto him because she knows she can use him.
Because Carey has a club foot, he has a rather low self-esteem, and she knows she can manipulate him and walk all over him to get what she wants. Carey moves on from her and becomes a success at being a doctor. She, on the other hand, doesn't have such a good future.
The movie progresses, and Rogers is still latched onto Carey until the very end trying to get what she wants, using her charms, and manipulating him.
The classic case of a "toxic relationship," and here it is...literally...in black and white.
One of my favorite movies is from 1934 and is called "Of Human Bondage" starring Leslie Howard and Bette Davis. It is wonderful. People think that "toxic relationships" is a new-age thing, but it's not. The movie is about mild-mannered Philip Carey (Howard) who tries his hand at painting and discovers, well...he sucks. He is told to "place his name elsewhere" where club-footed Carey goes to medical school. Along his way, he meets a waitress named Mildred Rogers (Davis) who latches onto him because she knows she can use him.
Because Carey has a club foot, he has a rather low self-esteem, and she knows she can manipulate him and walk all over him to get what she wants. Carey moves on from her and becomes a success at being a doctor. She, on the other hand, doesn't have such a good future.
The movie progresses, and Rogers is still latched onto Carey until the very end trying to get what she wants, using her charms, and manipulating him.
The classic case of a "toxic relationship," and here it is...literally...in black and white.
Letting Go.
I've talked about "letting go" before; however, it has a whole new meaning now. I thought I would expand. I doubt myself that I could possibly give relationship advice. I'm not giving relationship advice, I'm pointing out the obvious in hopes of helping others.
You go to sleep, you lie in bed, you hear their voice, and in your thoughts, you remember things like the way they laughed, the way they had to have some body part touching yours just to know you are there with them. But when you wake up, they're not there. The pain is there, and it runs so deep, you wonder if you will ever be able to move on. Losing someone you care for, no matter what the circumstances, doesn't get any easier as you get older. You feel as though no one could ever take their place, and for awhile, you don't see anyone as themselves, you only see them as "not" that person you lost in your life. Don't feel like a failure because it's taking awhile to get over that person, but it's healthy to realize and necessary to accept that the relationship is over. You need to take steps to heal yourself and your heart. "Moving on" and "letting go" is not easy when you've invested so much.
1. Acknowledge your feelings. Allow yourself time to cry, grieve, but don't get so wrapped up in crying and grieving and overthinking things that you fall into a black hole of despair. Everyone falls into that black hole, but only you, not someone else can pull you back out. When you find yourself crying and upset for a long period of time, STOP. Redirect to a more positive venture. No, it's not easy, but it's worth it. Call a friend, read a book, go for a walk.
2. Release. Talk to a trusted friend. Don't keep things bottled up no matter how much you think it will hurt to let it all go. The more you keep bottled up, the more toxic it becomes. The more your brain starts overthinking things, and the closer you'll get to never getting out of the black hole.
3. Don't Remove yourself from friends. Keep in contact with friends. Don't immerse yourself in work or something of the sort. You can't effectively work with stress and pain weighing so heavily in your life. Let your friends be your support system. Nothing will get accomplished if you remove yourself from living and, instead, fool yourself with forcing yourself to forget.
4. Who are You? This is the time to embrace your good qualities. Think about the things you love: sports, hobbies, the people who love you, your friends, your family. Things that make you smile though not necessarily things that will always remind you of the person you lost. Don't allow this loss to steal YOU. Give yourself some me time. By me time I mean time alone. Time to do things for YOU.
5. Take care of yourself. If you're overly upset, chances are eating and sleeping are not only NOT priorities but are, more or less, non existent. Not eating and/or not sleeping can lead to more problems. It will only wear you down. Combine that with stress, and you won't be able to tackle what you need to. Talk to someone for guidance or to vent: friend, family, pastor, even an anonymous crisis center.
6. DO NOT. Do not get involved in a new relationship until you have healed completely. Do not think you are healed completely and then jump into a relationship. It isn't a quick fix, and it leads to heartache. Until you can think about the person you lost and say, "No" to that person or thoughts about that person, you're not healed. If you find yourself even remotely thinking about that person and "what ifs" or getting upset about "memories" that have resurfaced, you are NOT healed. You are only completely healed when someone mentions their name, or you think of something, and don't feel a pull in your heart. If that person should contact you and says things you always wanted to hear, and you feel no pain in your heart, and you aren't thinking of them and can say, "You know what? please stop" you're healed. Only when you heal yourself can you love someone else.
You go to sleep, you lie in bed, you hear their voice, and in your thoughts, you remember things like the way they laughed, the way they had to have some body part touching yours just to know you are there with them. But when you wake up, they're not there. The pain is there, and it runs so deep, you wonder if you will ever be able to move on. Losing someone you care for, no matter what the circumstances, doesn't get any easier as you get older. You feel as though no one could ever take their place, and for awhile, you don't see anyone as themselves, you only see them as "not" that person you lost in your life. Don't feel like a failure because it's taking awhile to get over that person, but it's healthy to realize and necessary to accept that the relationship is over. You need to take steps to heal yourself and your heart. "Moving on" and "letting go" is not easy when you've invested so much.
1. Acknowledge your feelings. Allow yourself time to cry, grieve, but don't get so wrapped up in crying and grieving and overthinking things that you fall into a black hole of despair. Everyone falls into that black hole, but only you, not someone else can pull you back out. When you find yourself crying and upset for a long period of time, STOP. Redirect to a more positive venture. No, it's not easy, but it's worth it. Call a friend, read a book, go for a walk.
2. Release. Talk to a trusted friend. Don't keep things bottled up no matter how much you think it will hurt to let it all go. The more you keep bottled up, the more toxic it becomes. The more your brain starts overthinking things, and the closer you'll get to never getting out of the black hole.
3. Don't Remove yourself from friends. Keep in contact with friends. Don't immerse yourself in work or something of the sort. You can't effectively work with stress and pain weighing so heavily in your life. Let your friends be your support system. Nothing will get accomplished if you remove yourself from living and, instead, fool yourself with forcing yourself to forget.
4. Who are You? This is the time to embrace your good qualities. Think about the things you love: sports, hobbies, the people who love you, your friends, your family. Things that make you smile though not necessarily things that will always remind you of the person you lost. Don't allow this loss to steal YOU. Give yourself some me time. By me time I mean time alone. Time to do things for YOU.
5. Take care of yourself. If you're overly upset, chances are eating and sleeping are not only NOT priorities but are, more or less, non existent. Not eating and/or not sleeping can lead to more problems. It will only wear you down. Combine that with stress, and you won't be able to tackle what you need to. Talk to someone for guidance or to vent: friend, family, pastor, even an anonymous crisis center.
6. DO NOT. Do not get involved in a new relationship until you have healed completely. Do not think you are healed completely and then jump into a relationship. It isn't a quick fix, and it leads to heartache. Until you can think about the person you lost and say, "No" to that person or thoughts about that person, you're not healed. If you find yourself even remotely thinking about that person and "what ifs" or getting upset about "memories" that have resurfaced, you are NOT healed. You are only completely healed when someone mentions their name, or you think of something, and don't feel a pull in your heart. If that person should contact you and says things you always wanted to hear, and you feel no pain in your heart, and you aren't thinking of them and can say, "You know what? please stop" you're healed. Only when you heal yourself can you love someone else.
Sales and Relationships
Funny that I looked at my library in my office at work and found a sales book. The funny part is how it can apply to life or coping or whatever you want to call a "funk." The following items are pulled straight from Jeffrey Gittomer's Little Red Book of Sales Answers with no alterations whatsoever:
1. Personal Improvement That Leads to Personal Growth
2. Prospecting for Golden Leads
3. How to Win the Battle and the War
4. One Brick at a Time
5. Building the Friendship. Building the Relationship.
6. The Final AHA!
"I wish I would have said..."
Ever said that? Sure you have. Everybody has. Now it's game time. "I wish I would have said..." has no place in the world of sales, other than in the mouths of sales losers.
Next chapters:
"How do I become the successful person I dream about, and deserve to be?"
"Scream then - I DID IT!"
"How do I do my best every day?"
"You have a choice!"
1. Personal Improvement That Leads to Personal Growth
2. Prospecting for Golden Leads
3. How to Win the Battle and the War
4. One Brick at a Time
5. Building the Friendship. Building the Relationship.
6. The Final AHA!
"I wish I would have said..."
Ever said that? Sure you have. Everybody has. Now it's game time. "I wish I would have said..." has no place in the world of sales, other than in the mouths of sales losers.
Next chapters:
"How do I become the successful person I dream about, and deserve to be?"
"Scream then - I DID IT!"
"How do I do my best every day?"
"You have a choice!"
Toxic (and I don't mean Avenger.)
Irony is the fact that this is the fourth time I have heard the mention of "toxic." This past weekend, I received a phone call from an ex. Let me rephrase that, after he called 8 times in a row, and I didn't answer, I thought he might seriously be in trouble (car accident, etc.). Alas, that was not the case, and I told him he was toxic. This is in no relation to Britney Spears' song, "Toxic."
I think we can all benefit from this no matter what relationships: teachers, students, coworkers, friends, significant others. Considering this was written by a psychiatrist with a PhD, it's valid:
Toxic: Bad Relationships, What to Do About Them
By: Pamela Brewer, PhD
Most of us can come up with a mile-long list of people who've made us miserable, some time or the other - teachers, classmates, brothers, sisters, parents, friends, colleagues... while you were allowing them to make you feel angry, confused and irritated, unknown to you, they were seriously damaging your health. In other words, they were toxic.
(My $0.02 (herein referred to as "02" if used again) - we never see an interpersonal relationship AS being toxic until it's too late, or until we release ourselves from the toxic relationship, have time to recover and reflect)
Here we go again. Another 2 a.m. phone call, with my best friend pouring her heart out about the latest disaster in her life. Love her as I do, 2 a.m. isn't my best time - especially when I've got an early start and a skin that needs at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
(02: I don't mind when my friends call me in the middle of the night with such phone calls. Once it becomes habitual, then there is another issue going other than just another break up that should be addressed)
Still, have you ever tried saying no to a friend in need? Exactly. So you end up spending an hour saying yes and no in all the right places, then get a headache and take refuge in a peanut butter sandwich. According to psychologist, Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People the headaches/peanut butter sandwiches are proof that we're under fire from a toxic person - in other words, "anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused."
(02: People often say "he/she has so much drama" as a word to replace a person who is toxic.)
But what makes a toxic person tick? "They're people whose feelings of insecurity and inadequacy make them jealous, envious and/or uncaring, so they end up sabotaging your projects, your relationships, your happiness-even your car journey!" explains Dr Glass.
It could be the temperamental boss who's never satisfied, the friend who knows where you're going wrong (and revels in telling you), or the critical parent who can't stop treating you like a naughty ten-year-old.
But whatever your own personal definition of a toxic person, one thing is certain - putting up with a toxic relationship can seriously damage your health. "Migraines, eye-twitches, skin rashes and eating disorders often have their roots in toxic relationship that have gone on for too long," explains Dr. Glass.
Listing the people and types of behavior that get to you is Dr. Glass's first step to detoxing your relationships - and your life. (And, believe it or not, that's the easy bit!) But the good news is there are ways of responding that can stop you being the victim of toxic behavior.
Just deciding to do something about the toxic people in your life is a big step in itself. You might know you should detox from your friend/partner/boss, but it's not always that easy to do it. Okay you can find other friends, partners and jobs, but you can't, for instance, go out and choose a new mother.
"You have to weigh up the toxic person's behavior, your reaction to it and what's stake," says Clare Hershman, a counsellor who specialises in addictions. "If they're paying you Pound 20,000 a year, you may decide, 'Okay, I'll take the money and stand on my head if they want me to, but I'm not going to let my emotions into this drama.'" And there's the crunch. While toxic people can make our lives unbearable, we're the only ones who can do something about it.
TOXIC FRIENDS
You think they care for you, but their behavior says otherwise.
You share so much with a "mate" that it's sometimes hard to see that they're actually doing you harm. Over the years I've gradually realised I can't solve my friends' problems, until they want to - and, believe me, some of them don't want to - nor do they want to hear about mine.
Deena, 28, and Kate, 28, have been friends for 15 years, but Deena feels she's always given more time to Kate than vice versa, "Kate always finds a story to top mine and switches the conversation back to herself," she complains. "I end up feeling sidelined."
According to Dr. Glass, "Kate's a perfect example of the very self-absorbed person with a fragile ego. She's insecure and needs lots of reassurance and soothing words to build up her self-esteem." But she clearly isn't quite so sensitive when it comes to everyone else's feeling. Recognise the type?
Her selfishness probably isn't intentional, but you still need to confront her. Say something like, "I sometimes get the feeling you're not really listening to me - and it's upsetting." Be direct and honest, without tears or tantrums.
In fact, friendships are a good training ground for sorting out toxic people, because if they're any kind of friend, they really do want what's best for you. Then again, if you've weighed up the pros and cons and think, "Well, she can be a prime woman, but she does know how to get into the best clubs," rely on her for that, but nothing more. And if you really can't stand any more 2 am calls, buy some ear plugs and let your answering machine do more night shifts. This same process can be applied to persons in your past: past relationships, past friends, etc.
TOXIC EX PARTNERS
The most stressful baggage in your life.
No one needs telling that along with all the love, fun and exploration in a relationship, a whole load of other (less pleasant) issues are usually waiting in the wings. As most of us have discovered, at some point or another, even the most wonderful partner can have a toxic side that often goes unnoticed on our parts.
Most of us have encountered uncommunicative partners who keep their feelings under lock and key, and keep you utterly confused. No one's saying you have to keep on bashing your head against a brick wall, but sometimes explosive showdowns are just the bombshell this kind of person needs.
"Ultimately, you can only change yourself, not someone else," confirms counselor, Mary Godden. It's up to you to decide how much of pushing around you will or will not take.
-------------------
Dr. Brewer's 02:
Dr. Brewer: There are many reasons why we choose toxic relationships. We may have grown up in a toxic household, we may have been taught that we are not deserving of happiness, or we may have learned to take responsibility for others. One of the most important things to remember about being in a toxic relationship, is that you do have choices and you can get out!
A toxic relationship is one in which you are chronically tired, upset, angry, confused, or frightened. A relationship in which you do not have the "right" to express yourself. In short, a relationship that is abusive in any way, may be a toxic relationship.
We stay in relationships because we do not understand that we have rights and options or that it feels "comfortable" to us. Low self-esteem can be a factor in remaining, as well as depression, fear of being alone, or that you believe the person genuinely cares and can change at some point. Sometimes, people stay because the toxic relationship so much mirrors their lives as children, that they truly may not have a sense that it is a toxic relationship and that life can be better.
Q&A session:
Question: We have separated several times. We then come back saying things will change, and things don't.
Dr. Brewer: Don't kid yourself, you describe the typical cycle of a toxic relationship:
* a blow up
* then the honeymoon period in which things are agreed upon to change
* and then it doesn't change and things begin to escalate
* and then the explosion again
* and then the honeymoon period
Question: How are depression and self-esteem factors in toxic relationships? Does that mean that the person does not have a clear sense of their own boundaries and a fear of being out of control of their lives, or out of control of other people?
Dr. Brewer: When you are feeling depressed or stressed, it is hard to have clarity about your life and what is reasonable, appropriate, or respectful. Depression and stress sap emotional and physical strength, both of which are critical in relationships. Low self-esteem tells one that they do not have rights or options, which is again, an energy drainer. And yes, depression and stress can inhibit your sense of your own boundaries and your need and right to set boundaries with others.
I think we can all benefit from this no matter what relationships: teachers, students, coworkers, friends, significant others. Considering this was written by a psychiatrist with a PhD, it's valid:
Toxic: Bad Relationships, What to Do About Them
By: Pamela Brewer, PhD
Most of us can come up with a mile-long list of people who've made us miserable, some time or the other - teachers, classmates, brothers, sisters, parents, friends, colleagues... while you were allowing them to make you feel angry, confused and irritated, unknown to you, they were seriously damaging your health. In other words, they were toxic.
(My $0.02 (herein referred to as "02" if used again) - we never see an interpersonal relationship AS being toxic until it's too late, or until we release ourselves from the toxic relationship, have time to recover and reflect)
Here we go again. Another 2 a.m. phone call, with my best friend pouring her heart out about the latest disaster in her life. Love her as I do, 2 a.m. isn't my best time - especially when I've got an early start and a skin that needs at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
(02: I don't mind when my friends call me in the middle of the night with such phone calls. Once it becomes habitual, then there is another issue going other than just another break up that should be addressed)
Still, have you ever tried saying no to a friend in need? Exactly. So you end up spending an hour saying yes and no in all the right places, then get a headache and take refuge in a peanut butter sandwich. According to psychologist, Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People the headaches/peanut butter sandwiches are proof that we're under fire from a toxic person - in other words, "anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused."
(02: People often say "he/she has so much drama" as a word to replace a person who is toxic.)
But what makes a toxic person tick? "They're people whose feelings of insecurity and inadequacy make them jealous, envious and/or uncaring, so they end up sabotaging your projects, your relationships, your happiness-even your car journey!" explains Dr Glass.
It could be the temperamental boss who's never satisfied, the friend who knows where you're going wrong (and revels in telling you), or the critical parent who can't stop treating you like a naughty ten-year-old.
But whatever your own personal definition of a toxic person, one thing is certain - putting up with a toxic relationship can seriously damage your health. "Migraines, eye-twitches, skin rashes and eating disorders often have their roots in toxic relationship that have gone on for too long," explains Dr. Glass.
Listing the people and types of behavior that get to you is Dr. Glass's first step to detoxing your relationships - and your life. (And, believe it or not, that's the easy bit!) But the good news is there are ways of responding that can stop you being the victim of toxic behavior.
Just deciding to do something about the toxic people in your life is a big step in itself. You might know you should detox from your friend/partner/boss, but it's not always that easy to do it. Okay you can find other friends, partners and jobs, but you can't, for instance, go out and choose a new mother.
"You have to weigh up the toxic person's behavior, your reaction to it and what's stake," says Clare Hershman, a counsellor who specialises in addictions. "If they're paying you Pound 20,000 a year, you may decide, 'Okay, I'll take the money and stand on my head if they want me to, but I'm not going to let my emotions into this drama.'" And there's the crunch. While toxic people can make our lives unbearable, we're the only ones who can do something about it.
TOXIC FRIENDS
You think they care for you, but their behavior says otherwise.
You share so much with a "mate" that it's sometimes hard to see that they're actually doing you harm. Over the years I've gradually realised I can't solve my friends' problems, until they want to - and, believe me, some of them don't want to - nor do they want to hear about mine.
Deena, 28, and Kate, 28, have been friends for 15 years, but Deena feels she's always given more time to Kate than vice versa, "Kate always finds a story to top mine and switches the conversation back to herself," she complains. "I end up feeling sidelined."
According to Dr. Glass, "Kate's a perfect example of the very self-absorbed person with a fragile ego. She's insecure and needs lots of reassurance and soothing words to build up her self-esteem." But she clearly isn't quite so sensitive when it comes to everyone else's feeling. Recognise the type?
Her selfishness probably isn't intentional, but you still need to confront her. Say something like, "I sometimes get the feeling you're not really listening to me - and it's upsetting." Be direct and honest, without tears or tantrums.
In fact, friendships are a good training ground for sorting out toxic people, because if they're any kind of friend, they really do want what's best for you. Then again, if you've weighed up the pros and cons and think, "Well, she can be a prime woman, but she does know how to get into the best clubs," rely on her for that, but nothing more. And if you really can't stand any more 2 am calls, buy some ear plugs and let your answering machine do more night shifts. This same process can be applied to persons in your past: past relationships, past friends, etc.
TOXIC EX PARTNERS
The most stressful baggage in your life.
No one needs telling that along with all the love, fun and exploration in a relationship, a whole load of other (less pleasant) issues are usually waiting in the wings. As most of us have discovered, at some point or another, even the most wonderful partner can have a toxic side that often goes unnoticed on our parts.
Most of us have encountered uncommunicative partners who keep their feelings under lock and key, and keep you utterly confused. No one's saying you have to keep on bashing your head against a brick wall, but sometimes explosive showdowns are just the bombshell this kind of person needs.
"Ultimately, you can only change yourself, not someone else," confirms counselor, Mary Godden. It's up to you to decide how much of pushing around you will or will not take.
-------------------
Dr. Brewer's 02:
Dr. Brewer: There are many reasons why we choose toxic relationships. We may have grown up in a toxic household, we may have been taught that we are not deserving of happiness, or we may have learned to take responsibility for others. One of the most important things to remember about being in a toxic relationship, is that you do have choices and you can get out!
A toxic relationship is one in which you are chronically tired, upset, angry, confused, or frightened. A relationship in which you do not have the "right" to express yourself. In short, a relationship that is abusive in any way, may be a toxic relationship.
We stay in relationships because we do not understand that we have rights and options or that it feels "comfortable" to us. Low self-esteem can be a factor in remaining, as well as depression, fear of being alone, or that you believe the person genuinely cares and can change at some point. Sometimes, people stay because the toxic relationship so much mirrors their lives as children, that they truly may not have a sense that it is a toxic relationship and that life can be better.
Q&A session:
Question: We have separated several times. We then come back saying things will change, and things don't.
Dr. Brewer: Don't kid yourself, you describe the typical cycle of a toxic relationship:
* a blow up
* then the honeymoon period in which things are agreed upon to change
* and then it doesn't change and things begin to escalate
* and then the explosion again
* and then the honeymoon period
Question: How are depression and self-esteem factors in toxic relationships? Does that mean that the person does not have a clear sense of their own boundaries and a fear of being out of control of their lives, or out of control of other people?
Dr. Brewer: When you are feeling depressed or stressed, it is hard to have clarity about your life and what is reasonable, appropriate, or respectful. Depression and stress sap emotional and physical strength, both of which are critical in relationships. Low self-esteem tells one that they do not have rights or options, which is again, an energy drainer. And yes, depression and stress can inhibit your sense of your own boundaries and your need and right to set boundaries with others.
ASL?
Anyone who reads this blog or knows me in person knows the level of intellect around which I tend to surround myself (I mean, geez.....look at that last sentence...it wasn't avoided in a preposition). While that may sound pompous and arrogant, I'm merely attempting to prove a point as a segway into this IM:
meandmydobie: hi
Me: hi
meandmydobie: A/S/L?
Me: All pertinent information is found on my Profile. Do I know you?
meandmydobie: No but I want to know you! ur hot!
*** Red flag # 1...."ur." ***
Me: Thanks.
meandmydobie: What city u in?
Me: Again, all pertinent information is found on my profile.
meandmydobie: I can't access your profile.
Me: Why?
meandmydobie: don't know
Me: Well if you can't access my profile, how did you find my screenname to message me?
meandmydobie: ur on my buddy list
Me: I highly doubt that. I've never spoken to you before.
Basic rundown: location - Atlanta, age - 26, marital status - long term relationship.
meandmydobie: u wanna sugardaddy?
Is this person serious? The next message stated that based on that question I know for sure I have never spoken to that person and to refrain from every contacting me in the future, remove my name from his buddy list, and I would now be blocking him.
Seriously? A sugar daddy? Anyone that knows me knows those are my two pet peeves: sugar daddies and sugar mommas. Ugh. Grow up. Get your own job.
meandmydobie: hi
Me: hi
meandmydobie: A/S/L?
Me: All pertinent information is found on my Profile. Do I know you?
meandmydobie: No but I want to know you! ur hot!
*** Red flag # 1...."ur." ***
Me: Thanks.
meandmydobie: What city u in?
Me: Again, all pertinent information is found on my profile.
meandmydobie: I can't access your profile.
Me: Why?
meandmydobie: don't know
Me: Well if you can't access my profile, how did you find my screenname to message me?
meandmydobie: ur on my buddy list
Me: I highly doubt that. I've never spoken to you before.
Basic rundown: location - Atlanta, age - 26, marital status - long term relationship.
meandmydobie: u wanna sugardaddy?
Is this person serious? The next message stated that based on that question I know for sure I have never spoken to that person and to refrain from every contacting me in the future, remove my name from his buddy list, and I would now be blocking him.
Seriously? A sugar daddy? Anyone that knows me knows those are my two pet peeves: sugar daddies and sugar mommas. Ugh. Grow up. Get your own job.
Forget Viagra, Eat Watermelon.
Forget Viagra, Eat Watermelon
- Same results, no side-effects
By: Gabriel Gache
According to a new study carried out at the College Station's Texas A&M Fruit and Vegetable Improvement Center, the watermelon could soon take Viagra producing companies out of business since it contains chemicals that have effects similar to those of the blue pill, thus increases libido.
"The more we study watermelons, the more we realize just how amazing a fruit it is in providing natural enhancers to the human body. We've always known that watermelon is good for you, but the list of its very important healthful benefits grows longer with each study," said Dr. Bhimu Patil, the leader of the study.
Watermelons are part of a great variety of fruit and vegetables containing so-called bioactive compounds, also known as phyto-nutrients, able to determine healthy body responses. Lycopene, beta carotene and citrulline are only few of the well known compounds found in watermelons and are catalogued as bioactive chemicals. Citrulline for example, is able to relax blood vessels, which is exactly what Viagra does.
As citrulline is metabolized it is transformed into arginine, an amino acid that helps improve the health of the circulatory system and that of the immune system. Better still, the consumption of watermelons has no side effects, although it has the disadvantage of not being as target specific as Viagra.
"The citrulline-arginine relationship helps heart health, the immune system and may prove to be very helpful for those who suffer from obesity and type 2 diabetes. Arginine boosts nitric oxide, which relaxes blood vessels, the same basic effect that Viagra has, to treat erectile dysfunction and maybe even prevent it," Patil added.
Additionally, arginine improves the removal of ammonia and a whole range of other toxic chemicals from the system, thus helping the urea cycle of the body. The only problem is that citrulline is not commonly found in the fleshy parts of the watermelon, therefore it doesn't usually enter the digestive system.
Certain species of watermelon, the study found, also have larger concentrations of lycopene than tomatoes.
"Lycopene, which is also found in red grapefruit, was historically thought to exist only in tomatoes. But now we know that it's found in higher concentrations in red watermelon varieties. Previous tests have shown that lycopene is much better absorbed from tomatoes when mixed in a salad with oily vegetables like avocado or spinach. That would also apply to the lycopene from watermelon, but I realize mixing watermelon with spinach or avocadoes is a very hard sell," Patil said.
Lycopene is an anti-oxidant with beneficial effects on the heart, prostate and skin, and requires certain fats in order to be better absorbed into the body. Since tomatoes are generally eaten in salads or oily mixes, it’s not hard to understand why the compound is better absorbed from them.
- Same results, no side-effects
By: Gabriel Gache
According to a new study carried out at the College Station's Texas A&M Fruit and Vegetable Improvement Center, the watermelon could soon take Viagra producing companies out of business since it contains chemicals that have effects similar to those of the blue pill, thus increases libido.
"The more we study watermelons, the more we realize just how amazing a fruit it is in providing natural enhancers to the human body. We've always known that watermelon is good for you, but the list of its very important healthful benefits grows longer with each study," said Dr. Bhimu Patil, the leader of the study.
Watermelons are part of a great variety of fruit and vegetables containing so-called bioactive compounds, also known as phyto-nutrients, able to determine healthy body responses. Lycopene, beta carotene and citrulline are only few of the well known compounds found in watermelons and are catalogued as bioactive chemicals. Citrulline for example, is able to relax blood vessels, which is exactly what Viagra does.
As citrulline is metabolized it is transformed into arginine, an amino acid that helps improve the health of the circulatory system and that of the immune system. Better still, the consumption of watermelons has no side effects, although it has the disadvantage of not being as target specific as Viagra.
"The citrulline-arginine relationship helps heart health, the immune system and may prove to be very helpful for those who suffer from obesity and type 2 diabetes. Arginine boosts nitric oxide, which relaxes blood vessels, the same basic effect that Viagra has, to treat erectile dysfunction and maybe even prevent it," Patil added.
Additionally, arginine improves the removal of ammonia and a whole range of other toxic chemicals from the system, thus helping the urea cycle of the body. The only problem is that citrulline is not commonly found in the fleshy parts of the watermelon, therefore it doesn't usually enter the digestive system.
Certain species of watermelon, the study found, also have larger concentrations of lycopene than tomatoes.
"Lycopene, which is also found in red grapefruit, was historically thought to exist only in tomatoes. But now we know that it's found in higher concentrations in red watermelon varieties. Previous tests have shown that lycopene is much better absorbed from tomatoes when mixed in a salad with oily vegetables like avocado or spinach. That would also apply to the lycopene from watermelon, but I realize mixing watermelon with spinach or avocadoes is a very hard sell," Patil said.
Lycopene is an anti-oxidant with beneficial effects on the heart, prostate and skin, and requires certain fats in order to be better absorbed into the body. Since tomatoes are generally eaten in salads or oily mixes, it’s not hard to understand why the compound is better absorbed from them.
When do men stop chasing trophy wives?
(Keep in mind that a lot of these posts are in jest)
"I have this theory that after the trophy search, it's more of a mother search - someone to take care of them."
I asked someone ("Jugs") for a blog question idea. After telling her why there is yogurt hand soap and why some girls are creepy (clingy, stalking, can't let go), we moved onto this question. Actually I had to move on from the yogurt hand soap as I imagined me walking up to one of our coworkers, asking him if I could borrow about 1/4 cup of yogurt from his vat-o-yogurt in the fridge to wash my hands with. That mental image had me snickering for a good solid minute.
So here we go - answering the above question. I'm not a man so I'm sure that I'm not right in the above, and let me give a disclaimer. This does not pertain to ALL men or even the majority of men. This applies to the men that start off with a trophy search and then a wife (see "mother") search.
Let's go back to the Oedipus Complex: Stemming from Freudian psychoanalysis, this complex is named after a Greek character who kills his father and marries his mother. (To avoid future therapy sessions, don't name your child Oedipus, Laius, or Jocasta!) Normally, the complex is housed in childhood development when the child transfers the oral fixation from its mother's breast to the mother itself and despising the father. Okay, whatever, Freud. We have all heard the term "mama's boy." From the vast "intelligence" found on urbandictionary.com, the definition(s) for "mama's boy" is as follows: Some loser who takes orders from his mom constantly like a little bitch; a man who cant keep a woman because his mommas jealous of his girlfriends, and acts like she his wife;the girlfriend is the other woman. Nice, two insightful definitions.
This still doesn't move us any closer to the question at hand. Maybe I should try answering it Trogdor (http://www.homestarrunner.com) style instead. A few ticka-tappas on the keyboard, maybe an illustration or two that has nothing to do with the question. That would be easier than attempting to decipher the human psyche.
Men that chase after trophies will always chase after trophies as long as they possibly can. I don't think there's any age that they switch from trophy mode to "real wife" mode. The real question at hand should be, "why can't men see that 'real wives' are trophy wives?"
"I have this theory that after the trophy search, it's more of a mother search - someone to take care of them."
I asked someone ("Jugs") for a blog question idea. After telling her why there is yogurt hand soap and why some girls are creepy (clingy, stalking, can't let go), we moved onto this question. Actually I had to move on from the yogurt hand soap as I imagined me walking up to one of our coworkers, asking him if I could borrow about 1/4 cup of yogurt from his vat-o-yogurt in the fridge to wash my hands with. That mental image had me snickering for a good solid minute.
So here we go - answering the above question. I'm not a man so I'm sure that I'm not right in the above, and let me give a disclaimer. This does not pertain to ALL men or even the majority of men. This applies to the men that start off with a trophy search and then a wife (see "mother") search.
Let's go back to the Oedipus Complex: Stemming from Freudian psychoanalysis, this complex is named after a Greek character who kills his father and marries his mother. (To avoid future therapy sessions, don't name your child Oedipus, Laius, or Jocasta!) Normally, the complex is housed in childhood development when the child transfers the oral fixation from its mother's breast to the mother itself and despising the father. Okay, whatever, Freud. We have all heard the term "mama's boy." From the vast "intelligence" found on urbandictionary.com, the definition(s) for "mama's boy" is as follows: Some loser who takes orders from his mom constantly like a little bitch; a man who cant keep a woman because his mommas jealous of his girlfriends, and acts like she his wife;the girlfriend is the other woman. Nice, two insightful definitions.
This still doesn't move us any closer to the question at hand. Maybe I should try answering it Trogdor (http://www.homestarrunner.com) style instead. A few ticka-tappas on the keyboard, maybe an illustration or two that has nothing to do with the question. That would be easier than attempting to decipher the human psyche.
Men that chase after trophies will always chase after trophies as long as they possibly can. I don't think there's any age that they switch from trophy mode to "real wife" mode. The real question at hand should be, "why can't men see that 'real wives' are trophy wives?"
Men and Women Are Different
Now wouldn't I be a billionaire if I actually knew the reasoning behind my subject, "Why Men and Women are Different?" Sadly, I don't know the reasoning behind it. I was sitting here at work. The phones are dead. I've busy-worked myself into nonexistence, and some conversations I've had with guy friends and their imploring me to hit on this topic seemed plausible now. So what I will do is touch on various things I've heard and read: both from normal persons, psychology, self-help books, etc. and we'll all be just as confused as we were to begin with.
Where should I start?
"Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus."
Now, I've never read this book, but taken in the metaphoric sense, it indicates men are more "aggressive" and "warring," and women are more "submissive" and "loving." Okay, well some of that could, indeed, be true. We all know the chemistry behind testosterone and estrogen. We know that a woman with too much testosterone becomes "manly," and a man with too much estrogen becomes "womanly." So there's one key difference that can be used to support why we're different: basic chemistry.
"Men are logical and thinkers; women are emotional and feelers."
This is not necessarily true. Apparently whomever came up with this assessment has never heard of Jung. Just with anything else in life, this can be applied to various groups. I know men who are far more emotional than they are logical and women that are far more logical than emotional. I, for example, am classified as a logical mastermind (according to psychological tests) as opposed to being a "Feeler."
"There can be ten women and ten men in a bar. ANY of the women in the bar regardless of looks, etc. can easily find a guy to take home. The guys in the bar, on the other hand, have a more difficult time regardless of looks, etc."
I have heard this more times than not, and it's true. Why is it true? I don't know. Are women and men are bars for two different reasons? There are women that go to bars not to pick up men...but do. There are men at bars there to pick up women...and don't. Now, I could be crude and say what my friends say, "it's because then men think with their dicks." No, that's not the reason. I'm sure there's some primal underlying reasoning here, but I can't objectively define it.
"Chicks before dicks" and "Bros before Hos."
I have heard this time and time again, and you know what? it's pretty true. How many times have you been involved in a relationship with someone who is wholly jealous of your friends. He/she always thinks that your friends of your opposite sex want to "hook up" and, sometimes, they can't believe that your friends of the opposite sex and you have NO romantic history or any romantic interest. Then comes the jealousy that you're spending too much time with them, blah blah blah. Ugh - it drives me nuts. I have been in a relationship with someone who had NO friends (good indication something's odd). When we dated, he was always jealous that I was spending time with Lesley or any of my friends - no matter what sex. When we broke up (he was a horribly mean person), I got the text of "We can still be friends" or something along those lines. No...we can't. Anyways, how many times have you or a friend of yours been involved in a relationship where suddenly, you lose contact with your friends? That's a big red flag for me. I am friends with guys that, when they start dating a girl, will suddenly lose all contact - no e-mails, calls, no plans, nothing. Reason: New girlfriend is jealous. Jealous of what?
It also intrigues me if you're a guy in a new relationship with a girl, and her male friends suddenly don't like you - but they don't know you. Or you're a girl, in a new relationship with a guy, and his female friends suddenly don't like you - but they don't know you. What the heck?
The "chicks before dicks" and "bros before hos" will always apply. I have a group of friends that are my second family, and that's not going to change.
My summary: Duh. Men and women are different. If there was a scientific and objective reason as to "why?" then what fun would that be? Just keep in mind that no matter what sex, each person is different from the other. Oh, and this blog was completely at random and written without any provocation - lol.
Where should I start?
"Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus."
Now, I've never read this book, but taken in the metaphoric sense, it indicates men are more "aggressive" and "warring," and women are more "submissive" and "loving." Okay, well some of that could, indeed, be true. We all know the chemistry behind testosterone and estrogen. We know that a woman with too much testosterone becomes "manly," and a man with too much estrogen becomes "womanly." So there's one key difference that can be used to support why we're different: basic chemistry.
"Men are logical and thinkers; women are emotional and feelers."
This is not necessarily true. Apparently whomever came up with this assessment has never heard of Jung. Just with anything else in life, this can be applied to various groups. I know men who are far more emotional than they are logical and women that are far more logical than emotional. I, for example, am classified as a logical mastermind (according to psychological tests) as opposed to being a "Feeler."
"There can be ten women and ten men in a bar. ANY of the women in the bar regardless of looks, etc. can easily find a guy to take home. The guys in the bar, on the other hand, have a more difficult time regardless of looks, etc."
I have heard this more times than not, and it's true. Why is it true? I don't know. Are women and men are bars for two different reasons? There are women that go to bars not to pick up men...but do. There are men at bars there to pick up women...and don't. Now, I could be crude and say what my friends say, "it's because then men think with their dicks." No, that's not the reason. I'm sure there's some primal underlying reasoning here, but I can't objectively define it.
"Chicks before dicks" and "Bros before Hos."
I have heard this time and time again, and you know what? it's pretty true. How many times have you been involved in a relationship with someone who is wholly jealous of your friends. He/she always thinks that your friends of your opposite sex want to "hook up" and, sometimes, they can't believe that your friends of the opposite sex and you have NO romantic history or any romantic interest. Then comes the jealousy that you're spending too much time with them, blah blah blah. Ugh - it drives me nuts. I have been in a relationship with someone who had NO friends (good indication something's odd). When we dated, he was always jealous that I was spending time with Lesley or any of my friends - no matter what sex. When we broke up (he was a horribly mean person), I got the text of "We can still be friends" or something along those lines. No...we can't. Anyways, how many times have you or a friend of yours been involved in a relationship where suddenly, you lose contact with your friends? That's a big red flag for me. I am friends with guys that, when they start dating a girl, will suddenly lose all contact - no e-mails, calls, no plans, nothing. Reason: New girlfriend is jealous. Jealous of what?
It also intrigues me if you're a guy in a new relationship with a girl, and her male friends suddenly don't like you - but they don't know you. Or you're a girl, in a new relationship with a guy, and his female friends suddenly don't like you - but they don't know you. What the heck?
The "chicks before dicks" and "bros before hos" will always apply. I have a group of friends that are my second family, and that's not going to change.
My summary: Duh. Men and women are different. If there was a scientific and objective reason as to "why?" then what fun would that be? Just keep in mind that no matter what sex, each person is different from the other. Oh, and this blog was completely at random and written without any provocation - lol.
You give your all. They give a corner.
You give your whole, they give their corner.
I was writing to a friend yesterday who is drawn like a moth to a flame to bad relationships. Some of you find this ironic that I can discuss such things; however, I know I have bad luck, and I know it comes down to people not being themselves. This person is drawn to people she knows are bad from the get go. There’s no hiding their downfalls (unfaithful, lies, etc.).
Here is what you do – you look at your flaws, and you look at your positives. You come to the realization that everyone has flaws – no human is perfect, but you don’t dwell on them. You just remember that you know what they are. You find someone who complements your flaws and your positives. You find someone that when you say, “me, too!” you mean it. You find someone that when one of your flaws surface, he loves you because he loves all of you, not just your positives, and you realize this. You love someone for who they are, not what they appear to be. You love all of someone – their past, present, and their future – not just what you take at face value or what you “plan” it to become. On the other hand, you realize your past and their past is in…the past. Don’t judge someone based on experiences in the past. This is one of the most difficult things to do. You have to remember, this is a completely different person. They are not the same as past experiences. Don’t doom new relationships from the get go. Learn to let down your guard even a little bit. No one wants someone who is 100% hard core tough person all the time. When he asks, “what’s wrong?” or “is something bothering you?” tell him. Swallow your pride and talk. Don’t ever answer that with “nothing” if something is bothering you. If something isn’t bothering you, don’t answer that with “nothing.” Elaborate, “Oh nothing – why do you ask?” or “Oh nothing – I was just thinking about x, y, and z that happened today.” Chances are, that person is going to say, “Oh – tell me about it.” You get annoyed just as much when you get the “nothing” reply when something clearly is wrong. Don’t expect someone else is going to be okay with it. Never go to sleep angry. Talk it out….in a mature manner. Never speak out in anger. Once a word is spoken, it’s there. It’s never going away no matter how much you say, “I’m sorry.” He’s still going to remember it just as you would. Never second guess yourself, and never doubt yourself. Never let someone walk all over you. Talk. The main thing is “talk.” If you’re not happy about something, tell him, and tell him to be the same way. The main thing is “be yourself.” How are you ever going to find happiness if you’re fooling yourselves from the get-go?
I was writing to a friend yesterday who is drawn like a moth to a flame to bad relationships. Some of you find this ironic that I can discuss such things; however, I know I have bad luck, and I know it comes down to people not being themselves. This person is drawn to people she knows are bad from the get go. There’s no hiding their downfalls (unfaithful, lies, etc.).
Here is what you do – you look at your flaws, and you look at your positives. You come to the realization that everyone has flaws – no human is perfect, but you don’t dwell on them. You just remember that you know what they are. You find someone who complements your flaws and your positives. You find someone that when you say, “me, too!” you mean it. You find someone that when one of your flaws surface, he loves you because he loves all of you, not just your positives, and you realize this. You love someone for who they are, not what they appear to be. You love all of someone – their past, present, and their future – not just what you take at face value or what you “plan” it to become. On the other hand, you realize your past and their past is in…the past. Don’t judge someone based on experiences in the past. This is one of the most difficult things to do. You have to remember, this is a completely different person. They are not the same as past experiences. Don’t doom new relationships from the get go. Learn to let down your guard even a little bit. No one wants someone who is 100% hard core tough person all the time. When he asks, “what’s wrong?” or “is something bothering you?” tell him. Swallow your pride and talk. Don’t ever answer that with “nothing” if something is bothering you. If something isn’t bothering you, don’t answer that with “nothing.” Elaborate, “Oh nothing – why do you ask?” or “Oh nothing – I was just thinking about x, y, and z that happened today.” Chances are, that person is going to say, “Oh – tell me about it.” You get annoyed just as much when you get the “nothing” reply when something clearly is wrong. Don’t expect someone else is going to be okay with it. Never go to sleep angry. Talk it out….in a mature manner. Never speak out in anger. Once a word is spoken, it’s there. It’s never going away no matter how much you say, “I’m sorry.” He’s still going to remember it just as you would. Never second guess yourself, and never doubt yourself. Never let someone walk all over you. Talk. The main thing is “talk.” If you’re not happy about something, tell him, and tell him to be the same way. The main thing is “be yourself.” How are you ever going to find happiness if you’re fooling yourselves from the get-go?
It's just church.
I was raised Catholic. I went to mass almost every Sunday when I was in New York.
I did the pretty white dress communion thing with the picnic afterwards. I did the Confirmation thing when I was a teen. Then we sort of fell out of weekly mass on Saturday evenings. Then I went to college, and that stopped, too.
Recently, I decided to start attending church again. It is very difficult in this area to find a Catholic church that doesn't solely have Spanish masses. I made a post on lovely Craigslist...in the Platonics section...looking for someone to come to mass with me.
My ad was replied to by one person who said he attended the cathedral of the Archdiocese in Buckhead and would be more than happy to accompany me to St. Catherine of Siena or to his church - strictly as friends. Great, I thought! He said he did a lot of volunteer work, etc. as well, and I questioned that (positively) as it sounded like something I'd like to get involved with.
He said, "great - let's meet up during the week for coffee or something."
Okay - that works for me.
Then I didn't hear from him. I sent him an e-mail, "hey are we still on for Sunday?"
Him: "Yeah - let's talk on Saturday. Gimme your number."
Me: So I gave him my cell number saying "I'll be around all day Saturday."
Him: "Looking forward to Sunday. Talk to you soon."
Saturday came. Saturday went. No call.
I wake up Sunday, I cook breakfast. I've already missed mass....God will forgive me. I clean the house and start doing laundry.
I log onto my computer and then into my e-mail, and I'm confronted with this e-mail:
"thx for tying up my Sunday and being considerate enough to call.....I'll say a prayer for you ....sounds like u need it."
Now, this shocks me. How rude can one person be? When someone tells you, "hey I'll call Saturday," and then doesn't. Then sends this e-mail. Why do you ask for someone's number and say you will call....then don't....then send an e-mail like the one above blaming the other person?
That doesn't seem very Christian to me. Since he said he would call Saturday, he very well could have. He knew what time my mass was today (8:30am) - why didn't he call or e-mail early this morning? How rude can one person truly be.
Next, one of my largest pet peeves is "text talk." "thx," "u,"uh! This person seemed intelligent when we talked. Now suddenly I feel like I'm being virtually confronted by a teenage whiny girl.
I send a polite (and short) note back that said, and reminded him, "I was waiting for you to call yesterday as you told me on Thursday, and you never did. Then I copied and pasted the e-mail from the other day in which he said, "I'll call you," and sent that along.
Now it doesn't bother me that I won't hear from this person again. Anyone who professes to be this stellar example of a Catholic....generally isn't.
It's the age-old thing about anything. If someone talks a big game all the time, chances are, they're not really as good as they claim to be.
I did the pretty white dress communion thing with the picnic afterwards. I did the Confirmation thing when I was a teen. Then we sort of fell out of weekly mass on Saturday evenings. Then I went to college, and that stopped, too.
Recently, I decided to start attending church again. It is very difficult in this area to find a Catholic church that doesn't solely have Spanish masses. I made a post on lovely Craigslist...in the Platonics section...looking for someone to come to mass with me.
My ad was replied to by one person who said he attended the cathedral of the Archdiocese in Buckhead and would be more than happy to accompany me to St. Catherine of Siena or to his church - strictly as friends. Great, I thought! He said he did a lot of volunteer work, etc. as well, and I questioned that (positively) as it sounded like something I'd like to get involved with.
He said, "great - let's meet up during the week for coffee or something."
Okay - that works for me.
Then I didn't hear from him. I sent him an e-mail, "hey are we still on for Sunday?"
Him: "Yeah - let's talk on Saturday. Gimme your number."
Me: So I gave him my cell number saying "I'll be around all day Saturday."
Him: "Looking forward to Sunday. Talk to you soon."
Saturday came. Saturday went. No call.
I wake up Sunday, I cook breakfast. I've already missed mass....God will forgive me. I clean the house and start doing laundry.
I log onto my computer and then into my e-mail, and I'm confronted with this e-mail:
"thx for tying up my Sunday and being considerate enough to call.....I'll say a prayer for you ....sounds like u need it."
Now, this shocks me. How rude can one person be? When someone tells you, "hey I'll call Saturday," and then doesn't. Then sends this e-mail. Why do you ask for someone's number and say you will call....then don't....then send an e-mail like the one above blaming the other person?
That doesn't seem very Christian to me. Since he said he would call Saturday, he very well could have. He knew what time my mass was today (8:30am) - why didn't he call or e-mail early this morning? How rude can one person truly be.
Next, one of my largest pet peeves is "text talk." "thx," "u,"uh! This person seemed intelligent when we talked. Now suddenly I feel like I'm being virtually confronted by a teenage whiny girl.
I send a polite (and short) note back that said, and reminded him, "I was waiting for you to call yesterday as you told me on Thursday, and you never did. Then I copied and pasted the e-mail from the other day in which he said, "I'll call you," and sent that along.
Now it doesn't bother me that I won't hear from this person again. Anyone who professes to be this stellar example of a Catholic....generally isn't.
It's the age-old thing about anything. If someone talks a big game all the time, chances are, they're not really as good as they claim to be.
Don't Be A Store with False Advertising...
I start talking to this guy online. Lots of close-cropped photos. Talks about how much he enjoys the outdoors, and travel and such. Email to phone to making plans to meet for dinner.
I get to dinner and clearly can tell that this person wasn't exactly honest about pretty basic empirical things - height for instance....profile says 5'10".......he was 5'2" at the max. Okay - I can look past that except for the fact that he lied.
Seems to be going okay...one person seems introverted (what are your interests? oh...computer programming, computer games, reading and writing about political and economics, online debating)....other person an extrovert (what are your interests? camping...hiking...trail running...backpacking....travel....). I could have sworn introvert claimed to like the outdoors and travel and such.
The conversation ended up being one-sided. When I said something witty, he would crack up laughing - not just a chuckle, but an all out, grab his mouth, face turn red, snorting-laughing fiesta. It's kind of hard to have a normal adult conversation when the other person interrupts you with an overly exaggerated fit of laughter.
He asked me how long I'd been single. I tell him a couple of months. He starts stroking the condensation on his glass of water in tiny circles while staring at me and not breaking eye contact. He tells me he's been online for several months and had met some cool people - then proceeds to tell me about 3 psychos he met ....but didn't see them as psychos (though one was a 17 year old pregnant girl who said she was turning 18 soon who was pregnant by her 38 year old ex boyfriend to whom she lied and said she was 21and she was looking for a sincere and good man, etc.) so I, in my cynicism, laughed....and then he says he was at the birth of her child, and thought it was cool. Laughter ended.
Proceeds to tell me he still talks to her on the phone. Post the birth of her child, she and her boyfriend call him up and ask him how long after she had her baby can she have sex, how long after having her baby can she have oral sex....how long after having a baby until she can use sex toys....but all of that was normal...including the fact that her boyfriend was there. But no...that wasn't enough....then while she and her mom were arguing, she dropped her baby, and he was quick to tell me - but it was okay because it hit the couch first (not okay).....but that was normal for him, too......then she tried to runaway again, but had to come back....so then she wanted to egg on her mom to hit her so she could call Dept of Fam/Children Svcs, but that didn't work...so she slugged her mom, and then her mom had her committed into a psychiatric ward and the baby was awarded to the mother...but that was okay.........WOW.....NO.
Then there was this other girl (as he's telling me this completely nonchalant) who tried to kill herself.
Then he thought it was funny to kick his ex girlfriend's 15 years old cat into the pool one night and watch it try to struggle to get out.
Then he informs me about the "fun" he and his ex girlfriend had posting her size 28 self on adultfriendfinder and another website just to "see" what would happen....I'm beginning to see a trend here that this person doesn't know how to live OFF the internet and uses the internet as a social shield.
Then....he started talking about his "democracy now" group and his "online debating." He was similar in comparison to the news people online that get in all of these "experts" when something happens. The experts are attempting to explain something objectively, but the news person jumps in, twists the words around, and doesn't let the other person speak.
I voiced my political and economic opinions and was interrupted and talked over and informed "no...no....NO...that's not how it is." When he attempted to force his political and economic opinions (fun date, right?) and I wasn't listening, he would lean in, stare at me, and start making monotone statements about the importance of eye contact to show someone you're interested in what they're saying.
At least ESPN was over his shoulder, and my Ducks were playing. The bartender actually laughed several times. The night ended with that awkward - okay...well...good night.....drive carefully. By the time I got home, I had an e-mail telling me what a great time he had, how "very attractive" I am....(insert random compliments here) and wanted to know when we could go out again........
I get to dinner and clearly can tell that this person wasn't exactly honest about pretty basic empirical things - height for instance....profile says 5'10".......he was 5'2" at the max. Okay - I can look past that except for the fact that he lied.
Seems to be going okay...one person seems introverted (what are your interests? oh...computer programming, computer games, reading and writing about political and economics, online debating)....other person an extrovert (what are your interests? camping...hiking...trail running...backpacking....travel....). I could have sworn introvert claimed to like the outdoors and travel and such.
The conversation ended up being one-sided. When I said something witty, he would crack up laughing - not just a chuckle, but an all out, grab his mouth, face turn red, snorting-laughing fiesta. It's kind of hard to have a normal adult conversation when the other person interrupts you with an overly exaggerated fit of laughter.
He asked me how long I'd been single. I tell him a couple of months. He starts stroking the condensation on his glass of water in tiny circles while staring at me and not breaking eye contact. He tells me he's been online for several months and had met some cool people - then proceeds to tell me about 3 psychos he met ....but didn't see them as psychos (though one was a 17 year old pregnant girl who said she was turning 18 soon who was pregnant by her 38 year old ex boyfriend to whom she lied and said she was 21and she was looking for a sincere and good man, etc.) so I, in my cynicism, laughed....and then he says he was at the birth of her child, and thought it was cool. Laughter ended.
Proceeds to tell me he still talks to her on the phone. Post the birth of her child, she and her boyfriend call him up and ask him how long after she had her baby can she have sex, how long after having her baby can she have oral sex....how long after having a baby until she can use sex toys....but all of that was normal...including the fact that her boyfriend was there. But no...that wasn't enough....then while she and her mom were arguing, she dropped her baby, and he was quick to tell me - but it was okay because it hit the couch first (not okay).....but that was normal for him, too......then she tried to runaway again, but had to come back....so then she wanted to egg on her mom to hit her so she could call Dept of Fam/Children Svcs, but that didn't work...so she slugged her mom, and then her mom had her committed into a psychiatric ward and the baby was awarded to the mother...but that was okay.........WOW.....NO.
Then there was this other girl (as he's telling me this completely nonchalant) who tried to kill herself.
Then he thought it was funny to kick his ex girlfriend's 15 years old cat into the pool one night and watch it try to struggle to get out.
Then he informs me about the "fun" he and his ex girlfriend had posting her size 28 self on adultfriendfinder and another website just to "see" what would happen....I'm beginning to see a trend here that this person doesn't know how to live OFF the internet and uses the internet as a social shield.
Then....he started talking about his "democracy now" group and his "online debating." He was similar in comparison to the news people online that get in all of these "experts" when something happens. The experts are attempting to explain something objectively, but the news person jumps in, twists the words around, and doesn't let the other person speak.
I voiced my political and economic opinions and was interrupted and talked over and informed "no...no....NO...that's not how it is." When he attempted to force his political and economic opinions (fun date, right?) and I wasn't listening, he would lean in, stare at me, and start making monotone statements about the importance of eye contact to show someone you're interested in what they're saying.
At least ESPN was over his shoulder, and my Ducks were playing. The bartender actually laughed several times. The night ended with that awkward - okay...well...good night.....drive carefully. By the time I got home, I had an e-mail telling me what a great time he had, how "very attractive" I am....(insert random compliments here) and wanted to know when we could go out again........
Common 1st Date Mistakes
I've been browsing around (insert online dating of your choice) for quite some time, and I've noticed an overall trend among some of the profiles: common first date mistakes.In the section where it talks about an ideal first date, I see some major pitfalls on some peoples' profiles, and then I see that they post "what am I doing wrong?"
First of all, it's an online dating site. While you can sit all day long and talk to someone via the internet, you don't "know" the person. You may even exchange phone numbers after awhile, and then it comes time for the first "real" date.
Some of the common pitfalls I see are as follows (with reasons why they're pitfalls):
1.) "A nice romantic dinner with soft music, candlelight, and gazing into one anothers' eyes."
What's wrong about that? Well, allow me to explain. It's a first date - it's basically like a job interview. You dress in suitable attire and you go and meet someone face to face. You run through the motions of how are you? traffic sucked, etc. It's an intial how do you do. It's not an intial, hey - I see my future in your eyes, princess, and I want to be your prince charming for the rest of your life. A perfect first date ends with making plans for the second. Don't scare a woman off by being overly romantic on your first meeting.
2.) "An ideal first date would be going out and watching a movie."
And this one? A movie is NOT an ideal first date. As I said above, a first date is still a "how do you do" and how well you and the other person mesh together - not in the "we mesh so well - I love him/her" sense - but the "can you tolerate being around me more than 5 minutes" sense. When you go to a movie or you watch a movie - you're watching....a movie. WATCHING - not talking through it (that's rude). The one and ONLY bypass to this is if you're at home watching a funny movie. Whatever you do, don't go out on a first date to watch some passionate English Patient/Painted Veil love story. You'll both be miserable. The problem with the bypass stated above is that means that one of you will have to go to the other persons' house which can not only make for an interesting "out" attempt if the date isn't going well but could also be dangerous.
3.) "An ideal first date would be going out to some bars or pubs for a few drinks."
That's not so bad...As we are all adult enough to know, there are varied kinds of persons that evolve when they have been drinking: we know them - let's say them out loud: the mean drunk, the amorous drunk, the cool and quiet drunk, the boisterous thinks they're funny but they're not drunk, and the funny drunk. I happened to be the sneaky - what can we do - drinker. How do you know that if after a few drinks the person you're with isn't going to turn into Bitchfest 2008 or Asshole 2008? What's to say that this person doesn't get pushy or mean? Yeah, a few drinks don't ALWAYS end up being a bad night, but it could be.
Here are some good first date ideas (you gotta "get to know the person" a little bit beforehand for these to work):
1) A sporting event - this would indicate that he/she enjoys sports. Let's face it, even if you don't enjoy sports, a live sporting event is always a blast!
2) People watching at a park, etc. - what could be more fun than going and watching different people?
3) Amusement Park - even if the person you've met isn't all that and a bag of chips - you'll both still have a blast.
4) Hanging out at a local coffee shop - and I don't mean Starbucks. Good conversation, a variety of beverages, and look, if you're in our hemisphere - the weather's getting chillier - c'est parfait!
Obviously, I'm not a dating expert, and I'm no Hitch, but I do date, and I can see where some things fail when people are trying too hard to obtain the final product (a loving and lasting relationship) before you're even out of the gate. Happy Hunting.
First of all, it's an online dating site. While you can sit all day long and talk to someone via the internet, you don't "know" the person. You may even exchange phone numbers after awhile, and then it comes time for the first "real" date.
Some of the common pitfalls I see are as follows (with reasons why they're pitfalls):
1.) "A nice romantic dinner with soft music, candlelight, and gazing into one anothers' eyes."
What's wrong about that? Well, allow me to explain. It's a first date - it's basically like a job interview. You dress in suitable attire and you go and meet someone face to face. You run through the motions of how are you? traffic sucked, etc. It's an intial how do you do. It's not an intial, hey - I see my future in your eyes, princess, and I want to be your prince charming for the rest of your life. A perfect first date ends with making plans for the second. Don't scare a woman off by being overly romantic on your first meeting.
2.) "An ideal first date would be going out and watching a movie."
And this one? A movie is NOT an ideal first date. As I said above, a first date is still a "how do you do" and how well you and the other person mesh together - not in the "we mesh so well - I love him/her" sense - but the "can you tolerate being around me more than 5 minutes" sense. When you go to a movie or you watch a movie - you're watching....a movie. WATCHING - not talking through it (that's rude). The one and ONLY bypass to this is if you're at home watching a funny movie. Whatever you do, don't go out on a first date to watch some passionate English Patient/Painted Veil love story. You'll both be miserable. The problem with the bypass stated above is that means that one of you will have to go to the other persons' house which can not only make for an interesting "out" attempt if the date isn't going well but could also be dangerous.
3.) "An ideal first date would be going out to some bars or pubs for a few drinks."
That's not so bad...As we are all adult enough to know, there are varied kinds of persons that evolve when they have been drinking: we know them - let's say them out loud: the mean drunk, the amorous drunk, the cool and quiet drunk, the boisterous thinks they're funny but they're not drunk, and the funny drunk. I happened to be the sneaky - what can we do - drinker. How do you know that if after a few drinks the person you're with isn't going to turn into Bitchfest 2008 or Asshole 2008? What's to say that this person doesn't get pushy or mean? Yeah, a few drinks don't ALWAYS end up being a bad night, but it could be.
Here are some good first date ideas (you gotta "get to know the person" a little bit beforehand for these to work):
1) A sporting event - this would indicate that he/she enjoys sports. Let's face it, even if you don't enjoy sports, a live sporting event is always a blast!
2) People watching at a park, etc. - what could be more fun than going and watching different people?
3) Amusement Park - even if the person you've met isn't all that and a bag of chips - you'll both still have a blast.
4) Hanging out at a local coffee shop - and I don't mean Starbucks. Good conversation, a variety of beverages, and look, if you're in our hemisphere - the weather's getting chillier - c'est parfait!
Obviously, I'm not a dating expert, and I'm no Hitch, but I do date, and I can see where some things fail when people are trying too hard to obtain the final product (a loving and lasting relationship) before you're even out of the gate. Happy Hunting.
Online Dating vs. Real Dating
To me, there are groups of people who pursue online dating, but really, it comes down to four categories:
1) Busy People: These are people who are looking for a relationship, but are too busy/have no want to go out and find someone in trademark places such as bars, etc. Sometimes too shy, but mainly knowing that the person they're looking for, they won't find in those trademark places.
Overall psychological analysis: NORMAL
2) Antisocial People: These are people that, after meeting in person for the first time, you know exactly why they choose online dating as their dating venue of choice. More than likely, these people are 100% dishonest in how they portray themselves online/on the phone. They often don't know how to act in public and react more dramatically than others in certain situations.
Overall psychological analysis: ANTISOCIAL potentially SOCIOPATH
3) Booty People: These are people whose sole purpose it is online is to obtain as many booty calls that they can possibly obtain. Often portraying themselves as normal and looking for the "one" they know the super-saturated syrupy phrases to make certain women go "ga ga" just long enough to woo them into bed.
Overall psychological analysis: SOCIOPATH / NYMPHOMANIAC
4) Scammers: Pretty self-explanatory. Either want money or need a green card. Commonly from obscure foreign countries.
Overall psychological analysis: GULLIBLE
1) Busy People: These are people who are looking for a relationship, but are too busy/have no want to go out and find someone in trademark places such as bars, etc. Sometimes too shy, but mainly knowing that the person they're looking for, they won't find in those trademark places.
Overall psychological analysis: NORMAL
2) Antisocial People: These are people that, after meeting in person for the first time, you know exactly why they choose online dating as their dating venue of choice. More than likely, these people are 100% dishonest in how they portray themselves online/on the phone. They often don't know how to act in public and react more dramatically than others in certain situations.
Overall psychological analysis: ANTISOCIAL potentially SOCIOPATH
3) Booty People: These are people whose sole purpose it is online is to obtain as many booty calls that they can possibly obtain. Often portraying themselves as normal and looking for the "one" they know the super-saturated syrupy phrases to make certain women go "ga ga" just long enough to woo them into bed.
Overall psychological analysis: SOCIOPATH / NYMPHOMANIAC
4) Scammers: Pretty self-explanatory. Either want money or need a green card. Commonly from obscure foreign countries.
Overall psychological analysis: GULLIBLE
Vanity, Materialism, Arogance, and Conceit.
Vanity, Materialism, Arrogance and conceit only “sharpen” the malignant edge thus dulling the benign edge.
Two deaths, and the things I've learned...
(Not an online dating post, but worth the share)
Two Deaths, and the Things I've Learned.
Two Deaths, and the Things I've Learned.
Back in October, my maternal grandfather (my "Pop"), passed away expectedly. I say expectedly as for the past decade or so he had been battling heart disease, among other things, and the current two years, he had battled stage 2 lung cancer that spread into his brain and other regions. He was on hospice care for two years. He was only supposed to live about six months after his diagnosis. But my Pop being an old Navy man fought it out to the end. It didn't matter that he grew more and more senile with visions of things that weren't there or talking to the nurses and calling them by the name of someone in his past. His health was rapidly declining.Prior to him passing away, my grandmother went into him and said goodbye.
When he passed away, thoughts of everything he had ever taught me and memories we ever had flooded through me, and almost immediately I was distraught. When you tell someone "my Pop died," and they ask, "were you close?" you feel like snapping back at them, but I guess that's just how some people were.My Pop took me on my first horseback ride when I was six. I rode a horse named "Idol," a white Arabian or Arabian cross, and while I was being lead on a lead rope in front of another rider on a horse, I thought I was top dog. My Pop taught me about pipe tobacco, Florida, oranges, the beach, and art. One thing he did leave with me was his talent for art, and for that, I am grateful. We cremated him and buried his ashes in January of this year.
My maternal grandmother (my "Nan") had also been ill. 20 years of living and fighting through her Parkinson's disease, she slowly started becoming a shell rather than the Nan I knew. In 2005, she was diagnosed with many other ailments from esophageal cancer and other diseases. She went from a normal person to an old woman overnight. She had lost most of her teeth due to age and her inability to be able to sit in a dentist chair while they worked on her. It didn't help that she hated the dentist. Her diet went from normal food to cottage cheese, puddings, and other soft foods she could swallow. There were times where she couldn't say anything at all until her medicine kicked in.
When we moved down to Georgia from New York in the early 90s, my brother (a year and a half older than I) and I in two separate grades had to write papers about struggling with something. Unbeknownst to us, the other children wrote about how their parents wouldn't let them stay out late, or how they couldn't go over to so and so's house. My brother and I wrote about our Nan, and how it was a good day when she could get dressed herself, or when she could pour Pop a cup of coffee or could iron or get up from her chair without her walker. I learned that my Nan was an only child and that her father had walked out on her mother when her mother was two months pregnant. My Nan never met her father until she was married. Her father had seen her wedding announcement in the paper. He died shortly thereafter. My Nan dressed up as a hobo one Halloween with her neighborhood friend, and they went door to door (as adults), invited themselves into their neighbor's homes, dusted things off, sat down on the couch, and they each shared a flask, taking swigs....of tea.I learned how my Nan used to love shopping and how she would take my mother and her sister shopping with her friends, but they would never buy anything. While her friends went into the restaurants to eat, my mom, her sister, and my Nan would sit outside on the curb in front of the restaurant eating egg salad sandwiches. My mom asked why they couldn't go into the restaurant to eat to which my Nan honestly replied, "well we don't have enough money to do that, but do you like your egg salad sandwich? I made it special today just for you!"
One day when my mom was a child, she came home from school talking poorly about a girl in her class who wore ragged clothes, had old torn shoes, and was rather dirty. My Nan asked my mom, "did you ever think that those clothes were the best she had? That those shoes were all they could afford? and did you ever think they may not have a bath tub or running water?" It was then that my mom learned the meaning of respect and not to judge those based on appearances alone: a lesson that was passed onto us at an early age.
When my brother had a godmother whose daughter had Down's Syndrome, we just saw her as another kid. When we had friends in NY who were Puerto Rican, Chinese, or Jamaican, to us....they were just kids we played with. We didn't see them as another color. My Nan never said a negative word about anybody. She may have disagreed with them, but she took them for what they were. She kept several friends that way.
The last few days of my Nan's life, my mom was by her side, though she didn't want to be. During that time, every one of her friends called or wrote or e-mailed to say their final goodbyes. Though my Nan, at that time, couldn't respond as the Parkinson's had taken their last hurrah and had captured her ability to speak or to open her eyes, she would wiggle her fingers or tap her foot or try to smile to show she understood. Before she passed away, my mom bent down and whispered to her that it was okay to go, and that Pop was waiting for her. A tear rolled down her cheek, and my mother said, "I know that tear's for me, mom. I love you," and with that, my Nan left this world.She was cremated, and her ashes were buried this past weekend beside her husband, with whom she was able to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary before they both passed away.I have to keep reminding myself that, in the state they were, it was better for them to leave this world. They are healthy now, and they are happy. They don't have to get upset by worrying what others think about them when they are unable to do the simplest of daily tasks and daily necessities for life.
I just have to remember what my Nan taught me in this life:
1) Never judge a person based on what they are on the outside. Respect them for who they are on the inside, and look past their exterior.
2) Be grateful for what you have and not jealous of what you have not. Appreciate the little things in life rather than always wanting more.
3) Don't speak ill of others. You never know what they are going through, or what has made them the way they are.
4) Don't just offer a tissue to a friend in need, but dry their tears and comfort them.
5) Don't just offer advice to others, but help them when they need assistance.
6) Cherish the memories that you have with someone. They are truly a gift. Remember them every day, and you will never forget that person.
7) Love. Love your family, love your friends, love your life. Don't get too wrapped up in the big things in life that you forget about the little things.
8) Remember when money is tight, money isn't everything in life.
When he passed away, thoughts of everything he had ever taught me and memories we ever had flooded through me, and almost immediately I was distraught. When you tell someone "my Pop died," and they ask, "were you close?" you feel like snapping back at them, but I guess that's just how some people were.My Pop took me on my first horseback ride when I was six. I rode a horse named "Idol," a white Arabian or Arabian cross, and while I was being lead on a lead rope in front of another rider on a horse, I thought I was top dog. My Pop taught me about pipe tobacco, Florida, oranges, the beach, and art. One thing he did leave with me was his talent for art, and for that, I am grateful. We cremated him and buried his ashes in January of this year.
My maternal grandmother (my "Nan") had also been ill. 20 years of living and fighting through her Parkinson's disease, she slowly started becoming a shell rather than the Nan I knew. In 2005, she was diagnosed with many other ailments from esophageal cancer and other diseases. She went from a normal person to an old woman overnight. She had lost most of her teeth due to age and her inability to be able to sit in a dentist chair while they worked on her. It didn't help that she hated the dentist. Her diet went from normal food to cottage cheese, puddings, and other soft foods she could swallow. There were times where she couldn't say anything at all until her medicine kicked in.
When we moved down to Georgia from New York in the early 90s, my brother (a year and a half older than I) and I in two separate grades had to write papers about struggling with something. Unbeknownst to us, the other children wrote about how their parents wouldn't let them stay out late, or how they couldn't go over to so and so's house. My brother and I wrote about our Nan, and how it was a good day when she could get dressed herself, or when she could pour Pop a cup of coffee or could iron or get up from her chair without her walker. I learned that my Nan was an only child and that her father had walked out on her mother when her mother was two months pregnant. My Nan never met her father until she was married. Her father had seen her wedding announcement in the paper. He died shortly thereafter. My Nan dressed up as a hobo one Halloween with her neighborhood friend, and they went door to door (as adults), invited themselves into their neighbor's homes, dusted things off, sat down on the couch, and they each shared a flask, taking swigs....of tea.I learned how my Nan used to love shopping and how she would take my mother and her sister shopping with her friends, but they would never buy anything. While her friends went into the restaurants to eat, my mom, her sister, and my Nan would sit outside on the curb in front of the restaurant eating egg salad sandwiches. My mom asked why they couldn't go into the restaurant to eat to which my Nan honestly replied, "well we don't have enough money to do that, but do you like your egg salad sandwich? I made it special today just for you!"
One day when my mom was a child, she came home from school talking poorly about a girl in her class who wore ragged clothes, had old torn shoes, and was rather dirty. My Nan asked my mom, "did you ever think that those clothes were the best she had? That those shoes were all they could afford? and did you ever think they may not have a bath tub or running water?" It was then that my mom learned the meaning of respect and not to judge those based on appearances alone: a lesson that was passed onto us at an early age.
When my brother had a godmother whose daughter had Down's Syndrome, we just saw her as another kid. When we had friends in NY who were Puerto Rican, Chinese, or Jamaican, to us....they were just kids we played with. We didn't see them as another color. My Nan never said a negative word about anybody. She may have disagreed with them, but she took them for what they were. She kept several friends that way.
The last few days of my Nan's life, my mom was by her side, though she didn't want to be. During that time, every one of her friends called or wrote or e-mailed to say their final goodbyes. Though my Nan, at that time, couldn't respond as the Parkinson's had taken their last hurrah and had captured her ability to speak or to open her eyes, she would wiggle her fingers or tap her foot or try to smile to show she understood. Before she passed away, my mom bent down and whispered to her that it was okay to go, and that Pop was waiting for her. A tear rolled down her cheek, and my mother said, "I know that tear's for me, mom. I love you," and with that, my Nan left this world.She was cremated, and her ashes were buried this past weekend beside her husband, with whom she was able to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary before they both passed away.I have to keep reminding myself that, in the state they were, it was better for them to leave this world. They are healthy now, and they are happy. They don't have to get upset by worrying what others think about them when they are unable to do the simplest of daily tasks and daily necessities for life.
I just have to remember what my Nan taught me in this life:
1) Never judge a person based on what they are on the outside. Respect them for who they are on the inside, and look past their exterior.
2) Be grateful for what you have and not jealous of what you have not. Appreciate the little things in life rather than always wanting more.
3) Don't speak ill of others. You never know what they are going through, or what has made them the way they are.
4) Don't just offer a tissue to a friend in need, but dry their tears and comfort them.
5) Don't just offer advice to others, but help them when they need assistance.
6) Cherish the memories that you have with someone. They are truly a gift. Remember them every day, and you will never forget that person.
7) Love. Love your family, love your friends, love your life. Don't get too wrapped up in the big things in life that you forget about the little things.
8) Remember when money is tight, money isn't everything in life.
Found some old posts.....mainly about dating guys from the internet
...and I thought you might enjoy some of my more interesting dates.
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